Wishing My Life Were A Musical...It Would Be The Best Musical EVER!!!

Epiphany

2011-12-17T21:12:00.002-07:00

This morning I had my first rehearsal for the new show that I am in, "Gleek School Musical," at the Off Broadway Theatre in Downtown Salt Lake City. I decided to ride the train downtown and save on gas, especially since it is so easy to get around Salt Lake on the rail system, nowadays.

But, the transit authority has what is locally called the "free-fare zone" once you reach the city center...about a three square mile area where it is not required to pay if you enter and exit the train or bus within the zone. So, naturally, all of Salt Lake City's homeless bum rides on the train to stay warm in the dead of the winter.

As we pulled into the first station within the free fare zone, I immediately noticed the change in the clientele of the train. Several new people boarded the northbound train, taking their seats on various open benches. There was a women that looked to be in her mid-twenties that took her seat near the front of the train, in a mini-skirt with high heals and a jacket that barely fit her. An older lady with fifteen or so bags carrying all the possessions she owned. And a gentleman with a beard and mustache that must not have been cleaned and cut for three or four weeks.

But one person caught my eye in particular; a boy about my age, maybe a year or two older, carrying a mattress pad, a sleeping bag, and a backpack of what looked to be stuffed with a spare change of clothes. He sat on a bench directly across from me on the train, and pulled out a book from his pocket and began to read. I couldn't tell what the book was, but from the looks of it, it could have been the only book he owned for as badly it was beat up and used.

As I sat there, I suddenly realized that I had been staring, and I quickly averted my attention to the various shops and restaurants that lined Main Street. But, he must have seen me staring before I had a chance to do so because from the corner of my eye, I could see him closing his book and looking at me.

"I don't stink or anything, do I?"

His question completely took me by surprise, for I had expected maybe a crude comment about how it's not polite to stare, or to mind my own business or something like that.

"No. No I can't smell you at all." I said as I tried to smile a little. The truth was, it was a painfully awkward moment for me.

"Good," He said back. "I can't ever tell anymore." And he opened his book again.

A couple minutes passed by, and as I sat there, I began to feel evermore awkward, and an overpowering desire to talk to this boy. I stole glances out of the corner of my eye of him reading...he was very dirty. I in fact could not smell any odor coming from him, but he was covered in dirt from head to toe. His jeans were ripped, and his hair was messy. But underneath all of the guck and grime, he was kind of cute and had an approachable presence about him, so I decided to do just that.

"What are you reading?" I immediately regretted opening my mouth as he glanced up from his novel and looked me in the eyes.

"What?" He asked.

I repeated, "What are you reading? Looks like you are really into it."

"Oh, yeah! It's called City of Ashes. It's book two of a series."

I couldn't believe it! The book he was reading was from one of my favorite series, The Mortal Instruments, a fantasy story about a group of warriors who are dedicated to ridding the world of demons and evil. Nerdy, I know. But Fantasy is my vice (props to wardnat, who turned me onto the books.)

And for the next five minutes, we talked about The Mortal Instruments Series. As we pulled into Gallivan Station, I bid him good day, exited the train, and started toward the theatre, all the while, thinking.

I never caught his name, but he seemed like a Brian or a Mark or something timely like that. I thought about how different our situations are; me, a 20 year old on his way into the city to begin his day's work. Selfishly clothed in the nicest designer sweater, scarf and pea-coat that I could afford, with the luxury of riding the train simply because it was easier than finding a parking space.

And him, about my same age, but stuck in the city in desperate hopes to find a job or a way to pay for his next meal. Dressed in the only warm clothing he owns in the dead of a bitter Salt Lake winter, and riding the train through the city in the free-fare zone JUST so that he can stay warm, and reading a book simply because it's the only thing he owns to entertain himself.

The two of us are so completely different, and perhaps one day the roles might be reversed. Or perhaps neither of us will ever experience what it is like to live like the other person. But, even with all the differences between our two separate lives, we found something that we both have in common.

This experience changed the way I look at the world around me. It made me revise my thoughts when I walk down the streets of Salt Lake and pass the homeless "bums" on the street. They are not much different from me. Life has just handed them a different set of trials. And just like me, they are simply trying to manage with what they have. The truth is, when that guy came and sat across from me on the train, I felt a bit uncomfortable. I was judging him as someone that I would not want to be near. He wasn't the type of person that I would surround myself with on a day to day basis.

But after talking with him for five minutes or so, I like the guy. He is down to earth, easy to talk to, and we share things in common, like our love for fantasy novels and that particular series.

And when I look around me, that is EXACTLY the kind of person I DO want to surround myself with.

I Saw the REAL Santa

2011-12-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year when people start visiting the malls to sit on Santa's lap and let him know what they want for Christmas. Each child who whispers into Santa's ear just assumes that they have made it onto Santa's nice list as they fill him in on what they think they deserve. But each one of them secretly wonders if those little things they did throughout the year were noticed by the big man in red, and if they are going to get the infamous lump of coal in their stockings.

It's a magical thing to witness, watching little children be filled with excitement as they talk about Jolly Old Saint Nick, and the 8 reindeer that pull his sleigh. But It's a jolly sigh more magical to see the real man in the flesh, and that is just what I got to do this morning.

Sure, scoff all you wish. I know what you are thinking. There are so few believers out there that the magic of Santa wanes. The skeptics abound and each of them dismisses that I have in fact sawt the real Santa Clause. But, I think that if they had been there, if they had been me, they would have believed.

This morning on my way to work I stopped at The Coffee Garden for my daily morning Chai and crescent roll. As I stood in line with my iPod blaring the Glee Christmas Album in my ears, I observed the people in the coffeehouse around me. There was a cute boy in a blue wool sweater sipping his coffee while he checked his Facebook notifications. A Vietnamese lady broke off a piece of granola bar and then dropped to the floor to tie her shoes. A tall older gentleman walked in the back door and down the hall as he removed his pea-coat and purple scarf.

And then I looked at the people in the line in front of me, and something peculiar caught my eye.

An older gentleman spoke gently with the girl behind the counter. She smiled briefly at the man, and then walked briskly to the back counter where she began to make his order. He was a big man, older, and tall with white hair, and a real white beard. He had a soft face, wire-rimmed glasses that sat half-way down his nose, and red suspenders tucked into shiny black boots. But it was the twinkle in his eye that gave him away.

I stared in awe as I wondered if this could possibly be who I thought it was. The smile was right....his face was right. He seemed warm and lighthearted and compassionate, just like the real Santa. And why not!? But I just couldn't be sure.

The girl behind the counter handed him a danish and his coffee drink, and I watched as he thanked her and started toward the door. I turned to the lady at the register, and I asked her, "Is that who I think it is?"

Almost like one of the old classic holiday movies, she looked me in the eye with a grin and said, "I don't know. But we always call him Santa, and he never corrects us."

And together we watched as he left the building, probably to his sleigh parked with 8 magical reindeer in the back.

And as he left I realized that I didn't get a chance to tell him what I wanted for Christmas! But I figure he already knows what I want, and what I deserve.

He is the REAL Santa, after all.

Updated Headshots! December 2011

2011-12-09T09:19:00.001-07:00

Taken December 8th, 2011 by Shaun Mitchell. This guy is incredible! Check out his website at www.oakhillstudios.com

Corey Wilkey by Oakhill Studios

Common Sense and Train Safety

2011-11-08T22:22:00.003-07:00

Utah Transit Authority (UTA) is the public transpiration agency for the Salt Lake Metropolitan area. They operate a filet of more than 600 buses and paratransit vehicles, 400 vanpools, 146 light rail vehicles, 63 commuter rail cars and 18 locomotives in a 1,600 square mile service area that stretches over six counties in the Salt Lake Metropolitan Area.

Utah Transit Authority (UTA) rail system
map, including TRAX light rail and
FrontRunner Commuter Rail Service
with the soon to be completed Airport
and FrontRunner South lines.

This post is a bit of a venting session for me. UTA operates the light rail service in Salt Lake county, locally known as TRAX. The system is composed of 45 miles of track in Salt Lake City and 8 of it's suburbs. It is touted as one of the nations top 5 most successful rail transit systems, by ridership. commute time, public support, and safety record.

Recently, however, there seems to have been a disproportionate number of train-related pedestrian and automobile accidents. Yesterday, a man was caught by a train as it left a station in West Valley, and pulled underneath the train and killed. Last Monday, a tow-truck drove around the crossing guard arms just in time to be struck by an oncoming train travelling at speeds over 50mph. In all, 11 accidents in 2011, 7 including pedestrians, and 5 being fatal.

As you can imagine, this has been a hot topic in the local media, and many citizens are calling to action UTA, insisting that there is something fundamentally wrong with the transit system and that all light rail lines should be shut down until the issues are resolved.

Really? I mean, seriously? Of all the actions that could be taken, that is the one that people jump to first? To take a multi-billion dollar transit system that moves more than 60 thousand commuters a day and simply shut it down, until millions more tax-payer dollars can be spent to build fences and pedestrian bridges and take away the need for a person's responsibility and common sense? Yeah, great idea, dumb-asses.

New UTA TRAX light rail trains, which began service in
2011

(Just to make clear, UTA is NOT shutting down service of the trains. That is simply what many citizens are proposing.)

Why can't people wake up and realize that we as the riders need to take responsibility for our actions? It's not as if these trains are new to us! They have been a part of our transit system and everyday life for over a decade! I can remember clear back to 1998, before the trains were first put into service, when UTA would send representatives out to the schools and daycares in the areas around light rail lines, teaching children train safety. Stop when the signals are warning you of an approaching train. Look both ways at crossings. Only cross the tracks at designated cross walks. Stay behind the yellow lines until the train has come to a complete stop! Never rush to board a train!

Are these really things that are hard to remember? Are we so lazy as to forego common train safety and by doing so jeopardize our livelihood?

All of these accidents could have been avoided. How? Not by shutting down the rail lines. Not by elevating the trains, or dropping them below ground. Not by pointing the finger at the transit agency and demanding them to fix the problems. They can be avoided by simply using common sense! Don't try to race in front of an oncoming train! Step behind the yellow lines when boarding and exiting a train! Don't listen to your headphones or text while on a train platform! Be aware of your surroundings!

And stop blaming poor planning and cost-effective build alternatives. Yes, UTA's TRAX runs at ground level, intersecting or sharing main roads and thoroughfares. So does Phoenix's light rail system. And Portland's. As well as Seattle, San Diego, San Francisco, San Antonio, St. Louis! They all do! That is by and large the definition of a light rail transit corridor! And guess what, they have accidents and fatalities as well! In fact, many of them even have MORE accidents and fatalities than we do here. It has nothing to do with the type of system. The fault is placed on the people, and it is simply up to commuters to pay attention to their surroundings and be responsible with their decisions. The trains run on rails. People don't. The trains don't do anything they aren't supposed to do, or aren't designed to do. People do.

(Article on this most recent UTA TRAX accident: http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=17983010)
(Channel 2 New's video of people breaking the rules repeatedly: http://connect2utah.com/news-story/?nxd_id=176857)

First Snow Blanket of the Year

2011-11-06T23:32:00.000-07:00

Salt Lake City saw its first major blanket of snow on the valley floors this weekend. Friday night brought a solid inch, which was then covered with a fresh new blanket of two more inches Saturday morning! While I hate the actual physical object know as snow, I must admit that I absolutely love the idea of it.

I hate that snow is cold, and in turn means colder temperatures, ice on my windshield in the morning, higher car insurance rates, and more expensive power and gas bills.

Downtown Salt Lake City snowstorm before and after
pictures from my windows at work. November 5, 2011.

But when I look at the flip side, snow doesn't seem that bad at all. I think about how snow means that I get to wear the new scarves that I have been buying all year long in anticipation for cold weather. Snow means that I get to start putting up my Christmas Tree (which is going to be FABULOUS, btw.) Snow means that I get to walk around Temple Square, and Main Street in Salt Lake City and see the millions of Christmas lights put up in a citywide effort to celebrate the holiday season. Snow means that I am that much closer to being able to play my iTunes Christmas playlist loud and proud.

Downtown Salt Lake City snowstorm before and after
pictures from my windows at work. November 5, 2011.

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I love hearing the radio stations start to play Christmas music in their various genres. I love being able to walk down Main Street in Salt Lake and see the window displays at Macy's and Nordstrom's. (Unfortunately I will not be able to do this favorite pastime this year, because the three city blocks in the heart of downtown that Macy's and Nordstrom's used to occupy have been demolished to make way for the new downtown Mega-Mall, City Creek, which is supposed to have it's grand opening in March.) I love going to the Gateway District for the annual lighting of the City Christmas Tree in the Olympic Legacy Plaza. I love getting to spend time with the family at dinners and reunions and parties. I love shopping for the perfect gift for the special people in your life.

I'll never forget, on Christmas Eve in 2009, there was a free Christmas Concert sponsored by the city at the Arena downtown. We decided to try to go to it, and so we headed to the light rail station to take advantage of the free rides on light rail as the transit authority's gift to commuters, and ride the train downtown. We were waiting for a transfer train, standing on the most crowded station platform in the middle of Main Street in downtown, it was snowing and all the lights on all the trees around us were lit up.

And as we stood there, someone on the platform decided to start singing Jingle Bells.

And then that one person became two people. And then three. And then 15. And then 30....and soon enough the entire platform was singing along with the carols! It had to have been well over 150 people, standing on a 20 foot wide platform in the freezing cold, waiting for a train, and every single one of them was singing along to Jingle Bells.

That has become to me the sole definition of Christmas Spirit.

Tonight I got to visit my Mom's side of the family for Sunday night dinner. Since moving back to Salt Lake, I get to do this a whole lot more often, and it's nice to be able to still feel the connection that we have and have kept over the years, even as I have moved away from home, come out of the closet, and changed into a whole different person than I used to be. They still are my family, and they still love me just the same, just as I have and always will love them. That is what I am looking forward to more than anything this holiday season.

And to help get me in the spirit of things, I downloaded songs from the new Glee Christmas Album today. Carie, have you heard them yet? Youtube them! I am ridiculously excited for the album to be released on the 15th.

So now I want to hear about the things you all are most excited about this holiday season. Post your responses in the comments below, and until next time, hugs and kisses for you all!

Attend The Tale Of Sweeney Todd

2011-11-04T13:23:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone! Oh my goodness! I haven't posted since August! I have missed blogging. I notice a considerably different level of stress on my shoulders when I am not blogging. The problem is that I simply cannot find time in the day to post!

Just a shot from rehearsal, Corey Wilkey as Anthony Hope,
performing Johanna in "Sweeney Todd: The Demon
Barber of Fleet Street" at Midvale Main Street Theatre
Photo by Shaun Mitchell

Last I posted an update on my life, I told you all that I was now living in Salt Lake City! :) That was the happiest post for a long time, because I was simply ecstatic to finally be back home. Since then, I have found myself a very nice paying job (literally making more in a week of work than an entire month of work at Planet Fitness), moved into an apartment in the downtown district of Salt Lake (I had previously temporarily moved in with a friend in his apartment in Murray, a suburb of Salt Lake), and been cast in my first show since Tuacahn!

For the last week, and the next week and a half, I am making my Midvale Main Street Theatre premier in their production of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street! This is one of all time favorite musicals, written by the absolutely BRILLIANT Steven Sondheim! It's dark, foreboding and brooding, all of which are perfect for a Halloween-time production. The supporting lead character, Anthony Hope, has been a dream role of mine ever since I first saw the show years ago, and I am privileged enough to be cast as Anthony with such an amazing cat, and sing perhaps one of the show's most famous musical numbers, "Johanna," multiple times each night.

Backstage at Midvale Main Street
Theatre's "Sweeney Todd: The
Demon Barber of Fleet Street."
Corey Wilkey as Anthony Hope,
and Ashlee Brereton as Johanna.

Shortly before I left St. George, I wrote of very close friend of mine who is currently living in California about how I felt stagnant and as though I was wasting my life away in Southern Utah...and now I can excitedly report that I have broken free of that rut and can see that once again, I am getting back on track of my dreams and goals. Living in St. George taught me a lot, but right now I need to be in Salt Lake, as there are far more opportunities for me here than anywhere else at the moment.

Rehearsals for the show were hard; five nights a week, for hours at a time, some of the time during which I was unemployed and stressing over money issues, and the other portion of that time, I was employed, but stressed because I never could find any time to sleep. Many days I was depressed because I felt incompetent or insufficient in my role in the show. Add to that the normal boy drama that seems to permeate my life and I was just not a happy camper for a lot of the rehearsal period!

But all the stress and irritation was SO worth it! The show has been so amazing. We have had four performances so far, and we have five more to go! Opening night we had a reviewer attend the show from BackstageUtah.com, and I was very surprised and shocked to read their review. In his review he stated that although I had a lovely voice, my acting "left much to be desired" and he was thoroughly under-impressed by my ability to play the heroic romantic lead. At first I was very hurt and it had me down for a day or two, but upon deeper scrutiny of the review, the reviewer also though that Sweeney Todd was in love with Johanna (his daughter, those of you who are not familiar with the show) so that being said, I decided that I cannot pay attention to the opinion of anyone who thinks that Johanna is a love interest for Sweeney. So I laughed it off and waited for the reviews from more professional theater-goers to be published.

Last night, the review from Utah's largest newspaper, The Salt Lake Deseret News was posted online, and was featured in today's newspaper. (http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705393673/Midvales-Sweeney-Todd-Good-Halloween-theater.html) I had decided that I was going to take this review much more seriously, since it was going to be featured in a newspaper with over 3 Million Subscribers nationwide, so I was nervous to see that it was posted, because the reviewer had come the same night as the reviewer from BackstageUtah.com....but his review was almost a polar opposite! He loved the show, and it was an overwhelmingly positive review, complimenting me specifically on my performance of Johanna. Another review loved my character, however, and said that I was very strong as Anthony. :) He said that my song, Johanna was one of the highlights of the show. (http://utahtheaterbloggers.com/7392/reviewing-community-theatre-and-sweeney-todd-in-midvale/)

Backstage at Midvale Main Street Theatre's "Sweeney
Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street." Corey Wilkey
as Anthony Hope, Kristina Stone as Mrs. Mooney, and
Ryan Fallis as Lead Vocalist.

So tonight I go to the theatre with a renewed excitement to put the show on for the Salt Lake Community! Such a great show, and I should be able to posts some clips from the show soon.

Also, as a side note, I plan on auditioning for a couple of upcoming shows over the next several months. Auditions for a local production of Next To Normal are approaching in December, and also RENT in April, both of which I am a die-hard fan of, and have two of my other dream roles. (Gabe, in Next to Normal, and Mark in RENT.) Anyway, I hope all is well with all of you, lovely blog-stalkers! Hugs and loves to all of you!

So anyway, make sure to leave your comments below! I want to hear what everyone's dream roles to play in a show are! And if you aren't an actor or don't have a role you want to play in a show, what is your favorite character from a musical or other stage production!?

Hurt and Upset Tonight

2011-08-05T21:43:00.001-06:00

Today I was wanting to have a night to get together with my two sisters (age 15 and 17) and just the three of us hang out and chill together. I messaged them both and they were both game to come over to my house and we would order a pizza, catch a movie on netflix, and then they were going to stay the night at my apartment and I would take them home in the morning, rather than driving the half hour out to West Jordan and the half hour back to my apartment. On my way out to pick them up, my sister Linsey text me and told me that our step mom, Jazz wouldn't let them spend the night and that they had to be home by midnight.

I was pretty irritated, because I was already on my way out to pick the girls up, so I decided to call Jazz and ask what was the problem. I did, and I explained to her that I was on my way out to get the girls, but Linsey just text me and said that they were not going to be allowed to spend the night at my house. I asked why.

Her response was because that was the rule. They were not 18 and needed to be home by midnight, that was their curfew.

Fine. Understandable.

I told her that was fine, and I understood, but wanted her to understand that I too was also irritated because if it had been a grandparent, or a cousin that they were going to stay the night at, she would not have a problem with it. She agreed and said I was correct, and then proceeded to tell me:

"If they were staying at grandma and grandpa's, then yes it would be okay because they were adults and could be trusted to watch over things and make sure everything was okay. It would also be okay if it was cousins because their again would be adults present to make sure everything was okay."

Correct me if I am wrong, but does that not therefore mean that she does not trust me as an adult to be responsible enough to have my perfectly capable 15 and 17 year old sisters come over for a movie and pizza?

She thinks that I am overreacting, but I am incredibly insulted by this. My step mother is telling me that she does not trust me to be alone with my sisters overnight. Me, her 20 year old eldest son, who has lived on his own for three years and has completely sustained HIMSELF for all of those three years, beginning the day that SHE kicked him out of the house. I have lived hundreds of miles away, paying all my own bills, putting myself through school, fixing my own car, going on my own vacations, making my own purchases, furnishing my own house, feeding myself, with my own money that I earned at the job that I got for myself. I moved myself from Salt Lake to Cedar City to Nashville to St. George and back to Salt Lake again without her help, yet she is telling me that I am not an adult and not responsible enough to have my sisters over for one night, to watch a movie and eat a pizza.

I told her that I have never been more insulted by something that someone has said to me or about me than what she said to me today, and that includes the time that a man said that all gays should be lined up and executed by firing squad for being homosexuals.

I now know that my own step mother thinks that after all that I have done by myself for the last three years, I am still not a responsible adult. That hurts me so incredibly bad that I don't even know what to do. I do not remember a time that I have ever been so mad or so insulted and upset.

What happens in the future when I make decisions about my career or my education? Is she going to think of me as an immature child who is making irresponsible decisions? Is she going to take me seriously when I fall in love with someone and start to date them and consider the possibility of marrying them? Or is she going to think that I am too young to be making such big, adult, life decisions? When I finally decide I am ready to move to New York, is she going to have my back and support me? Or is she going to secretly be thinking that I am being a fool and making a mistake, because I am not responsible enough to make it work on my own in the city?

I am completely flabbergasted tonight. I am hurt and I am upset and I am angry. I feel abandoned and worthless and alone, because I feel like my step mother doesn't take me seriously. I don't know what else to say. I am tired and need sleep...but I know one thing is for sure; it is going to be a very long time before I feel like I can talk to her again. I don't trust her right now. I am so angry! I just don't even know right now....

SALT LAKE CITY

2011-07-28T10:19:00.006-06:00

Big news everyone! In case you couldn't tell what the news was by the title of this post, I MOVED TO SALT LAKE CITY! Everything just happened so dang fast! I lost my job at Planet Fitness (because I was late...ONE TIME! So unfair of them. But stupid of me to be late too) and so I made the decision. I was moving! And I had to do it quickly, because if I didn't make the move quick, then I was not going to be able to do it at all, because I wouldn't be able to afford to move if I paid another months rent in St. George. (Mike, I know you are reading this, and so I wanted to say Thank You SOO MUCH for being so understanding with me moving out so fast. And I know I still owe you a bit for utilities. :) Don't worry, I haven't forgotten :))

And so in a matter of a week, I made all the plans to move up to the city. I found a place to live, I talked to family and arranged for them to come down to St. George to help me move all my shit five hours north, and I started looking for a job. And I made the move on Saturday! It's crazy how fast it all happened but I am so glad that I am finally up here. After my last post, I was really feeling down in the dumps that I wasn't in Salt Lake, but I didn't think that I would get up here anytime soon. But, I guess things always just happen the way that they are supposed to!

When I got here I started job searching everywhere. I applied at any place that I could, and yesterday I finally got an interview with Verizon Wireless, and they offered me a position as a Customer Service Representative. They will pay me 9 bucks an hour for the training period, and then the pay is negotiable after that! I am so excited! But I don't start until August 9th, and I have a few other interviews between now and then for full time positions, so I will go to those and see what happens. Who knows, I might find something even better!

I am living in a glorious apartment in the Millcreek area of the Salt Lake Valley. (I will put a map up for those of you who are not locals!) I LOVE it here. They are brand new, and SOO nice! I live literally right across the street from a light-rail station, and right around the corner from the freeway. I can get anywhere in the city so quickly by means of car OR mass transit. It is so exciting! I have a coffee date with a friend in a couple of hours that I cannot wait for, and then I am calling up my sisters and we are going to go downtown and have some fun! (For those of you that have never been to Salt Lake, you need to come. It is beautiful here, and this city has a sort of elegance to it that I have never felt in any other big city in the world that I have been to. The downtown area is classy and clean and pleasant, and I love going down there!)

Anyway, here are some pics of the new apartment! Life is good! I miss everyone in St. George, though. It feels weird not to see Mike and Connie everyday, and I am upset that I don't have Chanda here to take naked banana and apple pictures with anymore! :( But things are working out for me here in the city. I am excited to finally be up here, and I wanted to give you guys the update! Hope you are all well!

My Bathroom

Dining and Entryway

Kitchen

Dining and Living

Bedroom! (That is too small for all my stuff!)

Oh, and congrats to all my gay friends in New York that got married this last weekend! I am SO proud and excited for you! Such a big step! :) Love you all!

No Time To Say Hello, Good-Bye! I'm Late, I'm Late, I'm Late.

2011-07-11T04:38:00.000-06:00

More than ever before I am starting to realize that my time with many people that are very dear to my heart has a shelf life, and it worries me that I live hundreds of mile away from the people that I love so much, because I feel like I am missing my last chances to spend time with them, and share memories with them, and let them know how much I love them. Some of these people are a lot closer to me than others are, but they all make me think the same.

Over the course of the last year, Cancer has really take a toll on loved ones in my life. A former neighbor and very close family friend is struggling with Cancer, and the doctors are not giving her the rest of the year. This lady in particular(her name is Janice) is very special to me because of the wonderful person that she is; always there to help even the worst of people. She is one of the only examples I can think of someone who truly loves unconditionally, without reservations or expectations. She is a very good friend to my grandparents, and taught the special education classes at my elementary school. Every Thursday, my parents and grandparents had obligations that kept them from being able to pick me and my two sisters up from school, so Janice would take us home with her (she lived right around the corner from my grandparents), and we would play games at her house and she would make us snacks every single week until my parents or grandparents were able to come and pick us up to take us home. She didn't ask for anything in return. She never skipped a week. She ALWAYS looked forward to bringing us home with her and making sure we were fed and enjoying ourselves. These are tender memories that I will never forget, and I want to be able to go to her and thank her for being such a giver and genuinely loving person, but I am concerned that I am not going to be able to get my chance to tell her those things before she passes.

Another family friend died Saturday night after a difficult struggle with Brain Cancer. Tad Rasmussen was a kind, loving, fun and full of life leader of mine in the LDS Church during my middle and high school years. I always looked up to him as an example of the kind of man and father I wanted to be. He loved his wife and son more than anything else in the world, and that is what I wanted to have in my life someday. Over the last couple of months, I have observed as his health has deteriorated very rapidly, and watched helplessly from the sidelines as his wife struggled to stay strong and face her overwhelming future without the love of her life and the father of her son. The tumor in Tad's brain rendered him incapable of performing basic day-to-day tasks, and Harvest stood by him the whole time, knowing of what was coming in the coming weeks, and trying desperately just to try to make him as comfortable as possible for it. I didn't get the chance to let Tad know how much he meant to me, and thank him for the memories that I have of him, and that is something that I will always regret.

But the one that is currently pressing on my mind the most is the slowly deteriorating health of my grandmother. She is fighting Thyroid Cancer for the second time, and is preparing to undergo chemo-therapy radiation. AS of right now, she is doing well and seems to be recovering from her surgery a couple of weeks ago, which is encouraging and gives me hope, but I can hear in her voice each time I talk to her over the phone that she is losing her will to keep fighting, and it breaks my heart that I am not there with her to support her and give her the help that she needs.

My grandma has ALWAYS been there for me. My parents divorced when I was 5, and I cannot count the number of times that I remember her sitting down and comforting me when I have been upset about things going on with my mother or my parents, and reassuring me that nothing was my fault and that everything would be okay. She always came to every single one of my performances, be it for orchestra, choir, theater, church, or anything. She was there. She told me time and time again how much she loves me and how much she was proud of me and how she loved to hear me sing and how she loved to hear me play my viola or the piano.

When I totaled her car on the freeway in Idaho, and I was being rushed away in the ambulance to the Emergency Room, I begged the Medics to wait for her to arrive at the accident scene so that I wouldn't have to be alone in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Of course, they didn't allow that, but when she was finally allowed to visit me at the hospital, I began to sob uncontrollably, apologizing profusely for driving her car off a cliff, and do you know what she said to me? "Stop it, it's okay. You're fine. I wanted a new car anyway."

When I was struggling financially in college and needed a little money to get me through the month, she always sent me more then I needed to make it. When I was stranded on the other side of the country, and felt helpless and trapped, I knew that I could call her and she would listen. That day, I cried for two hours straight to her and she gave me the strong hand I needed, and rebuked me for giving up hope. She wired me enough money to be able to get back on my feet, and reminded me not to give up and to remember to pray to my heavenly father.

But the most important to me of all, when I came out of the closet and was scared of what my family would think, she accepted me with open arms. I was prepared for her to disapprove of me and disown me, but upon seeing her for the first time after I came out, she made a point to stop what she was doing, walk over to me, and give me a best hug I have ever gotten from her. I started to cry because it meant so much to me that she was so incredibly supportive. A lot of my family has been indifferent on the matter of me being gay...in simply didn't matter to them one way or the other, and I am so grateful for that. But my grandma was not only indifferent, she was SUPPORTIVE. She SUPPORTED my decision and told me so. She immediately asked me if I was in a relationship, and when I told her no, she made sure that I knew that I had BETTER tell her if I was.

And now she is struggling with the biggest battle of her life, one that she very well may not win, and I am not there for her. I feel like I am abandoning her. I feel helpless to be there for her. I want her to know that I love her and I want to be there for her when she needs me, but I am stuck hundreds of miles away, without even a car that would be able to make the trip home to visit her. The best I can do is call her to hear her voice. But it's not good enough. I want to go shopping with her. I want to sit down and watch Phantom of the Opera with her. I want to help her with her scrapbooks and teach her how to be able to put music onto her iPod like I promised I would. If she were to pass before I got the chance to do all of that with her, I don't know what I would do. I am pretty sure that I would never forgive myself for it. I would live the rest of my life regretting it, and feeling like I didn't do enough to show her how much she means to me.

This is the first time that I have ever really been faced with having to imagine life without someone. People in my life have died, but nobody that has been so close to my heart as my grandma. And I find myself realizing for the first time that I can't imagine life without her, and I can feel my heart sinking into the pit of my stomach. It scares me in a way that I have never experienced before. I know that we all have to die eventually, but I just can't imagine living life without her, and I feel like I am missing my chance to make the most out of whatever time she may have left.

I am reminded of the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland..."I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time to say hello, good-bye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late." I feel like this is me...like I am scrambling to catch up on a lifetime of events that I carelessly procrastinated to take care of. The clock is ticking, and I only have so much time to be where I need to be, but anything I do at this point, I only have time to do partially. Everything has a shelf life, and I feel like I am watching them rapidly approach me while there is nothing I can do about it.

Finding Justification In Lies

2011-07-10T04:15:00.000-06:00

Each new day brings with it a new set of lies. I am no stranger to lying...just as I am sure you are no stranger to lying. We all have done it. We all claim to have had a reason; sometimes that reason is a good one...other times that reason is just to save our on butts, or protect the feelings of others. We lie to cover up the bigger lies. We lie because we can't face the truth. We lie because we don't understand the truth.

The worst lies, however, are the ones that we tell ourselves before we fall to sleep at night. We think them to ourselves as we lay in bed, where nobody has to know what we are thinking. We tell ourselves that we are content with our lives. We tell ourselves that we don't want for anything, and that we have and are everything that we want. We tell ourselves that we are confident in ourselves, and that one day we will reach all of our goals and make reality out of our biggest dreams. We convince ourselves that our friends love us, and that our family misses us. We persuade ourselves to thing that we can break our bad habits and addictions. We fall in love, and then make ourselves fall out of love again. We tell ourselves that we can live without him...and that he isn't the one.

It's hard to live with the parts of our life that we can't control, and that we feel are ruining everything else. It's hard to cope with the pain in our hearts when things don't go the way we fantasized about in our childhood fairy tales. Life throws us obstacles that we aren't always prepared for, and for many, more often than not our way of dealing with the shitty hand life deals out is to lie to ourselves. Each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves about the events of our day. Perhaps we acknowledge them for more than they really were, or maybe we remember them as obsolete in the grand scheme of things, not recognizing them as the major plays that they really are. But we do it as a desperate attempt that when the sun rises and the new day comes, it will all be true, and things will be just as we imagined them.

It's Only Just Out Of Reach!

2011-07-08T10:02:00.002-06:00

Just a quick post to let everyone know that something great is coming! I plan on doing a complete redesign of my blog here in the coming week, and it is going to look awesome! Big changes are coming, and once it is done, I am hoping that the new look will help renew my passion for blogging and motivate me to post more! See you later this week!

Kiss The Air

2011-06-29T15:34:00.002-06:00

Most of you know that I love to sing...I love to perform...I love every aspect of it. Well, a while back, I discovered a song that I absolutely love called "Kiss The Air," by Scott Alan, and I have wanted to perform it ever since. It is the story of a man who has to say goodbye to his lover, and end their relationship because he feels that he is not what they need, and cannot completely love them back the way that they deserve to be loved.

Me last week with my friends
Matt and Joey, who play Flostom and
Jetsom (Ursula's minions) in Tuacahn's
production of "The Little Mermaid"
this summer. (Click for larger.)

It's really a heart wrenching song, and it makes me cry without fail (one of a very rare few songs in this world that can still make me cry every time that I listen to them.) About a year ago, a friend of mine, Thomas Kulkus, and I got a chance to kinda do an improve performance of it, and we were lucky enough to get it recorded. It's not my best performance, but it's not my worst either. I wanted to share it with you here...since I know that only once before have I ever posted me singing on this blog, and that was kinda an awful performance by me. So here is me attempting to redeem myself. :) The first voice you hear is Thomas, the second is mine. I hope you like it!

Also...here is a video from a preshow I did last summer. Little musical review type deali-o. I am singing "I Wanna Be A Producer," from 'The Producers,' which is mashed up with "Put On Your Sunday Clothes" and "Elegance" from Hello Dolly. Enjoy. :)

When I Get Where I'm Going

2011-06-18T21:17:00.000-06:00

Once again...it is cliche for me to say sorry for not posting in so long...so I am going to skip that part.

Things have been going really well for me it seems lately. There are things that if I had my say in them, I would change or do differently, but overall, life is treating me pretty well. I am still working at Planet Fitness...that has become quite the chore for me. I love my job in itself, because I love the people and I love being able to spend so much time with them just talking and learning all about them, and building a friendship with each of them. I make a very conscious effort to memorize the names of everyone that comes into the gym, and their number numbers. I think that it is important in a setting such as a gym, where they have to keep up their dedication to the task at hand (most of them, at least) that they feel welcome and like they belong. After all, that is what Planet Fitness (PF) is all about anyway, right?

But the hours have been really getting to me lately. Maybe I just need to re-double my efforts to get to bed earlier in the day (now, in fact...I shouldn't even be typing this, but I am waiting for my hair to finishing coloring.) and be on a more regular schedule. And there is one girl that works there now who is such a pill to swallow every week. I don't even want to type about her and tell you about her because she stresses me out so much! Let's just say that I only have to see her minimally when I work my regular shifts. Unfortunately, tonight I am not woking my regular shift, and get to spend 4 loves hours with the psycho control freak.(Update...since writing the first part of this post last night, the girl I could not stand has been fired! Wahoo!!!)

I am coloring my hair right now too, and it's not rally a good time for it because I keep nodding off. I got off work 3.5 hours ago, and I had been up all day the previous day I am SO tired right now and just want to fall over and sleep my life away. But I can't, because I am sitting on Mike's new couch, with 4 ounces worth of hair dye in my hair. He would cut my head off. And then he would play baseball with it. ANNNyway...when I am done, my hair will have blue in it. :)

So if my writing today starts getting random and not making sense or spelled wrong, that's why. And if not, then one of my employees caught it and fixed it before I could fix it. Mark Zuckerberg is the worst at run on sentences, btw. It just felt that kinda related a bit.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what comes after this life for me..I have been dreaming about being in an aftwerworld somewhere. I am not sure why my subconscious is worried about the future of my soul so much lately, but I have been thinking so much about 'what if' I go through life thinking that it is okay to be gay and that it is what God wants for me and that he is okay with it, and I get to the end, and die, and find out that I got sent to Hell, and not heaven, because all along I was wrong. What if I really have everything backwards. What if my decisons I had made for myself thinkng I was doing the best thing for me and making the right choices for me are all the wrong ones, and because of it I am reserving myself a place in hell?

I guess I have to just hope that my intentions are what are going to be accounted for; that God will see my heart and will know that I wasn't consciously denying him and his word. I believe in God. I believe in prayer, and I love to pray to God. Some people may be surprised by the fact that I pray regularly, and I feel closer to God now that I have come out of the closet than I ever have before. I feel like I understand his love better. I feel like I understand his plan for me better. I feel like he knows that my intentions are pure; that I am making an effort to live a full and experienced life. I feel like he knows that I am trying my hardest to make the decisions I feel are going to be best and right for me. But how can I know for sure? I guess I can't....I just have to do what I think is right, and hope that he sees me and my heart for what I really am and who I tried to be when its my turn to stand in front of him.

I can only imagine that when that day comes, he will still welcome me with open arms, and tell me he loves me, and that he is proud of me, and that he missed me, and is so glad that I am home. But I cannot help but me terrified at the same time.

And I guess nobody really knows for sure, and wont until the day that we find ourselves in the sun. I would love to hear everyone's thoughts though on how judgement day will play out. It really is something that is constantly on my mind, and I don't know if it is something I should be worried about or not. But in the mean time, I will continue to pray and talk to him, and do the best I can to live the best life I can.

Thoughts?

Deer In The Headlights

2011-05-19T03:58:00.002-06:00

I had a dream today that made me very excited, and then when I realized it was a dream, it made me very sad. Here it is:

Last year I worked at Tuacahn in their pre-shows. Then this year I auditioned and was not cast. Well, in my dream, I was at my other job working. It was opening night for The Little Mermaid at Tuacahn (That is one of the shows they are doing this summer) and somehow or another I found out that I was supposed to be there RIGHT before I was supposed to be there. Apparently I had been cast all along, and nobody had even told me.

I never had been to a single rehearsal. I didn't even know what part I was supposedly playing. I didn't know my cues, or when I was supposed to be on stage, or my dances or lines or even what my costume and makeup was supposed to look like. And the show was starting.

(Click for larger image)
Tuacahn's stage as it will appear for Disney's "The Little
Mermaid." That is an actual water curtain that was built
specially for the show. Water falls from overhead sprinklers
and rains down onto the stage to create an underwater
effect, and can be reassembled to also make it look as if it
is raining on the stage, and then drains upstage. It will be
used in The Little Mermaid during the 2011 season, as well
as in future shows.

Then I ran into a friend from high school, Daisha Chavez. Daisha was on the drill team in high school, The Azuerettes, and was in my seminary class my senior year, as well as choir and other things. In high school, Daisha and I became very close friends, and she was even one of the very first people that I told that I was gay. She had been cast in the chorus and as a dancer. Daisha grabbed onto me, and I relished in the fact that she were there! I knew most everyone that was in the show already because I had worked with them last year, but to see Daisha there just seemed to make everything better, for a moment at least.

We stood in the wings together, waiting for our cue to enter the stage during the opening number. Her and I were supposed to go on together, and basically just do a couple foutte turns and leg grab turns across the floor. Simple enough, right?

Wrong. We ran on stage at the same time, (me following her lead because I had no idea when I was actually supposed to go on) and we both got hoots and hollers from people we both know in the audience. Daisha did her foutte turns beautifully across the floor, and I started off well, but then when I went to start my leg grab turns, I messed up, and made a fool out of myself on stage. (Not really. I more just felt like a fool. I actually looked fine to everyone in the audience.)

I don't know why this would have happened. In the dream I blamed it on the fact that I had not ever even been to a rehearsal, and that I had such limited dance knowledge. But I dunno it just seemed weird to me because something as simple as a leg grab turn should not have been that hard!...whatever. Moving on.

After that I began to freak out again...and I went and talked to the makeup artist and the costume director and the artistic director and the stage manager. I told all of them that I was so confused because I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing and nobody was helping me and I needed a script because I had never been given one and didn’t even know I was in the shows and had never been to a rehearsal and only found that I was supposed to be there like two hours previously.

Oh, and apparently I was cast as the penguin. Didn’t even know there was a penguin in The Little mermaid. But the point is that the dream was awful. And Daisha was the only thing about it that made it any better. And I remember thinking in the dream that I could change my facebook employers so that it again listed Tuacahn, and that I had bio in the playbill, and that I was going to have meetings with scouts from talent agencies and production companies. And I was enthralled.

And then I woke up. And it was all just a dream.

The True Meaning Of Friendship

2011-05-17T01:10:00.002-06:00

This topic has been on my list of things that I am going to blog about for a really long time. It has been one that I have really wanted to give a lot of thought to before I posted anything.

Back in June of last year, I met someone at a party that I recognized from around campus at SUU, always just sitting on a bench or on the lawn smoking a cigarette with a couple of other guys. I began chatting with him about where he was from and why he chose SUU, and he said that it was where his buds were going, so thats where he ended up going too. He said that they always just stick together because none of them are good at anything, so they are just friends because none of them feel like any one of them is better than the other...

And at the time, I told him, "That makes sense. But I am sure you all are great."

And he told me something that seemed so trivial. "Nope. We are all pretty much just insignificant."

I forgot all about it and carried on with the party; I was pretty occupied trying to keep all the drunk people from falling over on top of me in the overly crowded room. But a few days later I was thinking about my conversation with this kid, and I realized how utterly sad it was. This boy's closet friends were simply his friends BECAUSE they didn't believe in him. They liked to be around each other because none of them pushed the other to accel, and none of them made the others feel special or important. They all just made each other feel worthless, and that is why they were "best friends."

For me at least, I seek out people's company to feel appreciated and understood and loved. It's human nature to want to feel like you belong or that someone else out there appreciates you. That's why we long so much for a loving relationship with someone who is our "other half," and why most of us have a "best" friend. We look for that person who makes us feel special and loved and important. So it seems inconcievable that anyone would seek out someone to be with regularly that makes them feel worthless and unimportant.

I understand that feeling worthless is a tangible and common emotion. I for one feel worthless all the time, and it is a heartbreaking thing to think about, because it is a tragic place to be emotionally. You feel like you have no purpose and that you are just kinda a dummy walking through the steps of life...like there is nothing ahead....what is the point of living if there is nothing to be working for and looking forward to?

Maybe I just can't see things the way he does. I mean, he didn't seem unhappy. He seemed to be enjoying himself at the party...(however that could have been the five smirnoffs and four shots of Jagermeister...)

To me, a friendship, or any relationship for that matter, should be based on understanding and support and respect for each other. If you understand each other, then you will typical respect one another, and then push and support each other in their efforts, good or bad, BECAUSE you undersand them. And in turn, that makes the other feel prudent, and necessary, and significant. Not worthless.

It's a phenomena that I would almost say is tangible...not in a physical sense, but most certainly in a mental senese. It's real and appraisable.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

2011-05-16T05:26:00.000-06:00

It's cliché for me to say sorry for not posting in so long. So I'm not going.

I titled this post after a book that I am reading by Stephen Chbosky, that I have found I very much relate to the main character. The book is simply a collection of letters written by a boy named Charlie that he anonymously sends to a complete stranger. The stranger has no idea who he is the entire duration of a year that he is sending these letters, but with each letter I find myself growing closer and closer to Charlie, finding more than more things that I can relate to and taking more and more little bits of wisdom from his words.

Charlie sees life in such a broad sense, but never relates that to anyone other than the stranger that he is writing to. He thinks and thinks and thinks and analyzes and concludes, but never shares; except with the stranger. Weird, eh? But so true to so many other people as well, myself included.

In the last week, I have had THREE people that I have never met before in my life message me. One on Facebook, two by email. These people came from various corners of the United States, and each of them had a complete different random thing that they were messaging me for. One boy messaged me and told me that his parents were getting a divorce, and he was being forced to decide which one he was going to live with. Another messaged me while she was on vacation in Spain (somewhere that she apparently goes often) and was thinking about moving there to accept an internship position with a travel agency. And the third simply to tell me that he read my blog about when I put dog food in my sisters cocoa puffs and he thought it was funny because he had done the same to his sister only three weeks ago.

When I think back to what high school was like and then reflect upon what my life is like now, I see such vast differences and so few similarities....should I be concerned? I mean, I changed once like that before... when I moved from Salt Lake City to the suburbs, and started at a new school with a new life. I afforded myself the chance to change then, and now it seems that me living in Southern Utah has afforded me the chance to change again...and in many ways, simply change BACK to the Corey that I was in Salt Lake City.

Am I simply conforming to the new molds that I am placing myself in, or am I actually just being 'me' and figuring out what 'me' even is? I think it is hard to tell sometimes; and I think that is a big reason as to why I have such a hard time with new things, or with consistency or understanding the world around me.

Yesterday was a nice day in St. George. Warm and bright, just the way a May day in Southern Utah should be. I wasted most of it, sleeping until 3:30 in the afternoon. (Cursed graveyard schedule at Planet Fitness really messes with my internal clock) and then spent the rest of the day feeding a dirty addiction of mine, that I will elect to not mention on my blog(I know that a large majority of the blogging community is liberal and understanding and all, but not always the same case in Utah).

And then I made a Pizza. And came to work. I thought about nothing more than what my life will eventually be like, and what I wanted to eat that night. Simple. Plain. Stagnant. Somewhat doldrums.

Oh, and one of the gym members (a girl who has a crush on me and reads this blog) told me that I should try to start using some of my vocabulary words that I use in my daily vernacular in my writing. Words like vernacular. And doldrums. So I guess I kind of found a way to work them in here...

Why Can't I Just Be Dead Inside?

2011-04-21T03:07:00.001-06:00

I really hate that I get so emotionally attached to things or people or ideas. I don't have much to say tonight, but I just need an outlet for a minute.

I just found out today that someone that I am kinda sorta seeing right now recently slept with my ex. That being said, nobody did anything wrong. But I just feel heartbroken all over again.

Here I was, absolutely sure that I was completely over him. I mean, it's been three months! I should be past this. I haven't even been talking to him...(not for lack of trying...) If I had it my way, I would still talk to him every single day...but on the few times that I have messaged him, he has avoided me completely and not even engaged in any sort of conversation.

But the point is that I was perfectly fine...not even thinking about him at all...until it was let slip by the person that I have been talking to recently that he recently hooked up with said ex. Immediately I felt my heart drop...and now it's all I can think about. As I write this, tears are starting to roll down my cheeks. I miss him SO much. But he was never even into me, not even when we were dating.

And there are even more reasons that this upsets me...some of which I am not willing to put on my blog at risk of seriously compromising myself. I just miss him more than I can express right now...and all I want to do now is go home and cry.

"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face, and that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over." ~Adele, 'Someone Like You'

I'm Moving!!!

2011-04-08T04:35:00.000-06:00

This....is CHANDA!!! And her little dog Toto too...

No, not to New York...or San Diego...yet.

But closer into town! I am moving 10 miles to the east of where I currently live, and only 2 miles from where my new job at Planet Fitness is!

But that'a not even the best part! No, the best part is that I am moving in with CHANDA!!!

Let me tell you a little bit about this chick, Chanda. Chanda and I met when she was forced to listen to my conference calls while she was training at our old job, Vision (the website design job). We then proceeded to bond over lame and ignorant clients, and the fact that our boss womanized both of us (which I should add, was welcomed.)

We were friends right from day three, when I demanded that she let me add her on Google Latitude, so that I could always see where she was ever moment of the day. (This was back when I was just discovering Google Latitude, and was having anyone with a smart phone add me so that I could feel super cool.) I then proceeded to show her how to use it (so that she could use it to get up to Tuacahn and come to one of my performances). See, I am such a big hearted giver, and Chanda understood me and my thirst for attention and name recognition.

But she grew old of talking to intolerant clients, and moved on to the bigger and better world of unemployment, which she quickly recognized it for the beard that it was, and got a job nannying the most adorable little kids ever! (I never met them, but I heard stories about it all the time!!!)

She eventually found a job at this new gym that was opening up in town...something weird called Planet Fitness...all I knew about it was that it was purple and yellow...and she loved it! And there she stayed.

Well, then March 2011 rolled around, and Chanda's brother, Seth (whom Chanda was currently presiding with) informed Chanda that he believed it was time for them to go their separate ways.

And Chanda asked me at work the next morning (oh yeah, I forgot to mention the part of the story where Corey starts working at Planet Fitness too...) and asks him if he wants to move in with her in September.

"Of course!" I exclaimed! That would be so fun! "I will talk to Mike about it today and see what he thinks!"

And so it was set to be. I would be moving in with her in September.

But wait, there's more.

We bumped it up...long story short, I am moving in in May most likely, if not, then June! I am SO excited! Chanda and I have already started making all sorts of plans for the house. We are going to put an add up on craigslist for a third roommate, and we are going to be VERY picky in our selection...all applicants must undergo an intense interview process, and a rigorous fitness test! (Not really to the fitness test...I just wanted to say that part.)

We also plan on making the kitchen Black and White with a Red Apple Accent theme, and I plan on making my bathroom Green and Brown, just as my dream has always been and I have been accumulating things for since I was 17. We have even already made dinner plans with friends...and I am still at least three weeks from moving in. We are so cool.

Painting, entertaining, and cozy-izing is just the start. We are still planning more and more things every single day. It will be marvelous.

Oh yeah, and we discussed how we are going to re-add each other on Google Latitude (she got rid of her smart phone, and then recently re-upgraded) and also integrate our Google Calendars on our phones so that we will always be able to see where each other are, and what our plans are for the day. That's how much we have grown. We are fully comfortable with the other knowing that we are pooping at any giving moment of the day. It's marvelous.

I imagine it's only a matter of time before we discuss getting married to each other simply for the tax benefits.

Marry You

2011-04-04T17:03:00.006-06:00

Those of you that have followed my blog for a while know that I have two dreams. The first is to become an actor on Broadway....if I haven't beat that one into your heads enough, then you haven't been reading my blog for very long.

But the second one is one that I don't talk about as much, but is so much more of a dream than even my Broadway dream is. I want to get married to the man I love in a big, elegant, beautiful, LEGAL ceremony with all my friends and family present. I want to start a family with him and adopt kids I want to be able to exchange vows with him and be the couple that all the girls are jealous of because they can't have either of us. And I want to do it in the United States, and have it recognized as a legal wedding in ALL 50 states.

I have a cousin that just got married in Canada. He met his husband a couple of years ago when he moved to Canada to go to school in Montreal, and shortly after getting there began the process and papers to make him a citizen of the country. He and his husband have been together for a couple of years now, and they tied the knot in December last year. His parents flew up to Canada from Colorado to be there for the wedding, as well as his siblings and a few immediate family members. They had a very small, private ceremony, but I saw pictures of it last night on Facebook and it was gorgeous!

One day, that is exactly what I want...but gay marriages are not legal in most of the United States. I don't want my family to have to fly to Canada to do it. I don't want to have to become a citizen of another country to do it. I want to be able to do it right here in Utah, if I wanted to. (Not that I plan on ever finding someone here in St. George...this town is far too small...and far too small minded in general for that matter...for me to find someone compatible for me.) I don't feel like that is asking for much...what's taking so long?

Anyway, here are a couple of my favorites of their wedding lineup. They are SO cute together!

Burlesque Party!

2011-03-30T17:53:00.001-06:00

So I realized the other day that I never posted pictures on here of the Burlesque party I was going to a couple of months ago! Well, unfortunately, I ended up being sick that night, so I wasn't able to go! But that didn't stop me from trying on the costume though! Here is a picture, without the makeup, and without the costume modifications....I ended up cutting off the sleeves, and picking a different hat. But this was still so much fun, and is the only picture that I have of me in the costume!

Also, just a quick update. Since my last post, I have accepted a new job. I now work full time for a gym! Planet Fitness, to be exact! It is such a great place to work, with such great employees and members! My boss is incredible, and is the nicest, most laid back guy I have ever met, let alone had the chance to work for. I still work part time at my website job...but I have ultimately made Planet Fitness my primary job.

It's nice too, because I get a free membership. I work out every day, and I finally am able to tan again regularly, because we have tanning beds too! (In short, when I get famous here in the near future, I will be one sexy man.)

This Burlesque post has gotten me thinking about this coming year's Halloween costume. What should I wear? I am thinking about maybe going as Cher...or in Christina Aguilera's "Express" costume from Burlesque. I have been trying to come up with a sexy costume for Halloween where I don't have to dress in drag...but have yet to think of one...they are less fun anyway! Haha but does anyone have any ideas for me? I go all out when I get into costume...no store-bought crap costumes! I am meticulous...piece by piece...until everything is perfect. So if yo have some good ideas, let me know!

I Wrote A Letter To Oprah!!!

2011-03-11T01:00:00.006-07:00

What do you guys think of my proposal!? Here it is!

Dear Oprah-

My name is Corey Wilkey, and I am a near 20 year old homosexual from Salt Lake City, Utah. I grew up in a very Mormon Community, with the expectation and standard that being gay is immoral and wrong, and that I would be better off dead than alive if I could not “change” my ways and rid myself of homosexual tendencies. I grew up knowing that everyone around me was better than me, and that for my own safety and reputation, I had to pretend to be somebody that I was not.

Now, I live on my own in an even smaller, higher percentage Mormon community in Southern Utah called St. George. I am open about my sexuality, and am no longer affiliated (however still maintaining great respect for) with the Mormon Church. I live a very good life, with a great job, fantastic friends, and a good attitude.

The reason I am writing to you today is because I believe that with the creation of the OWN Network, I think that there should be a role model on cable television for struggling gay youth in this country. We are all too aware of the hardships that many youth are dealing with in this country as we as a nation begin to deal with the ever controversial issue of homosexuality. LGBT youth across this country need to have someone that they can relate to on television…not a character on a television show or sitcom, but a real live person that is proof that life does in fact get better, and that being a homosexual does not condemn you to a life of shame and hiding in the shadows.

I believe that the OWN Network is in a unique and groundbreaking position to pave the way for such a program on television; a popular daytime television talk show hosted by a young, open, likeable and personable homosexual. A talk show with a host that shows LGBT youth that there is nothing to be afraid of out in this world, and not be scared of who they are.

I hope that you will consider the proposal.

Sincerely Yours,

Corey Wilkey

p.s. I am sorry that I am not 21 like your Terms and Conditions for submitting a letter to you requires.

No Gas Day - What's The Point?

2011-03-10T01:12:00.002-07:00

Today I have gotten no less than SIX invites to the U.S. "Gas Out" day on Facebook. Whats the point of national "Gas Out" day, you ask? To protest the rise in gas prices. The idea is that on March 14th, and March 31st, 2011, nobody in the United States buys any gasoline at all.

Gas prices in the United States have hit their highest marks since Summer of 2008. Currently where I live in St. George, Utah, I saw gas prices sitting at $3.58/gallon on my drive home an hour ago, approx. the same as the national average. Is this high? Absolutely. Is it hurting my wallet? Of course.

Am I going to attend national "Gas Out" day and not buy any gas that day? Absolutely not.

Why?

Because I think it is pointless. Stop inviting me to participate. Stop demanding that the government lower oil costs. Stop whining that you cannot afford to fill up your tank. Do you realize that the price we pay for gas in the United States is less than HALF of what many Europeans are paying for gas? And what was that you said? their economy is currently doing better than the United States economy? Shut up.

Entertain me for a moment, and lets suppose for a second that I did like the idea of National Gas Out Day. Suppose, perhaps, that not one person in this country bought a single gallon of gas on March 14th or March 31st. But what were gasoline says like the day before? What about the day after? Tell me...do you still think that National Gas Out Day accomplished its targeted goal? Or did we snobby, selfish, gasoline driven Americans just stock up on our supply the day before, or the day after?

Whats that, you say? It's worth a try? Let me pose another question to you then....How is it worth a try? Really, enlighten me, because I am fascinated to know how this in fact could be "worth a try." I seem to recall in 2008, when gas prices were hitting an all time record of over $4/gallon that "Gas Out" day achieved little or no success. Common sense could have told you that. But we selfish, self-righteous, always have to be right Americans insist that it is worth a try.

If it is Lower gas prices that you want, then I have a proposal for you; use less. Then you have to buy less, which in turn means you pay less. How about you stop using your car. Why don't you pull out your dusty, rust covered bike and ride it to school, or up the hill to work. Perhaps you can ride that cute little bike with the squeeze horn downtown to the club, or to grandmas house for dinner this Sunday evening. Quit taking your ATVs out for playtime at the dunes every weekend.

I think that might make more of an impact, but not one day of no buying gas where it will all just be made up for the day before and the day after.

Listen, people. I am all for lowering gas prices, but I am NOT about to go protesting about it in this fashion. My life revolves around gasoline, and that is something that I can acknowledge and realize that I need it. Not buying it is not the way to protest it. If it is pinching my pocket, then I will cut back my own use of it. I will walk down the street to the grocery store. I will stay in for lunch, and not drive clear across town for a shopping extravaganza at the mall.

All I am saying is roll with the punches. Pick your battles.. Struggling with finances? Make concessions in your own life. Protesting buying gas on any given day isn't going to get you what you want, guys. Think about it...it's just common sense.

You don't want to pay so much for gas? Then use less of it.

One + One = ME FAMOUS SOON!

2011-03-09T14:32:00.001-07:00

Boy, do I have a story for you. I mad most of it up in my head, but the basic facts are true enough that the whole theory makes sense. Listen carefully.

But first, a quick update on last night's post: So this morning I woke up to a bitchy text message from the person that I was supposed to go on a date with last night....turns out that his grandpa wasn't really in the hospital, and he actually just is dating some other person right now and didn't bother telling m. I guess they are in an open relationship, but I had no idea, and that is not something that I am interested in getting involved with. Anyway, so I text him last night and told him that I didn't think we should go on a date anymore, because I didn't want to put myself into that position, and then went to bed. When I woke up, he had messaged back mad that I had judged him, and said that we can't be friends anymore...whatever. I am not going to get into that drama. In the end, I am glad that I didn't go on a date with him, and I am in a FAR superior mood to yesterday.

Okay, so back to the story! So after I was all finished getting ready for the day, and I had gotten all prettied up in my new clothes, I went out to the car to head to work, and noticed that there were weird stains on the side of my car... I stood there for a second, trying to figure out what it was on my car, when suddenly it hit me.

I had been egged.

Which was TOTALLY a brain boggler to me since my car had been locked in the garage the whole night. But when I thought about it for a second, I remembered that I had left my car out on the street for a while that night, and then pulled it into the garage before I went to bed. It must have gotten egged while it was on the street the night before.

So I rinsed it off and headed to work.

On the way to work, I began to formulate a theory as to why anyone would want to egg my car, and I ultimately decided that it was because they were jealous of me. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, let me tell you:

Ten years from now, I am going to be on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Oprah is going to come back out of retirement and start her show again, because I am going to be such a huge hit that she cannot resist doing an interview with me! She will come out of retirement so that she can interview me, and we are going to have a ball of a time. We will talk about the times that I used to sit on the coach watching her show, eating Gouda Cheese, and laughing at all the funny things that she would say. And the time that she had Barbra Streisand on and I about cried! Then she would ask me if I was lying, and I of course would tell her, "No! I loved your show! I dreamed of ways to get you to ask me to be on your show, and I would shave my legs so that I would be ready to appear on your show in a moments notice, just in case!"

To which she would reply, "Wow, Corey. You must have been real popular in school!"

Of course, I would tell her about my whole story with high school, and then I would say, "But really, I was not a very liked person! I got egged once! My car got egged, Oprah! Do you believe that?"

And on that day, the kids who egged my car back in 2011 will get the satisfaction of knowing that it was them that egged my car. That was the whole reason they did it in the first place, because they knew that I would be famous and would tell Oprah about it one day. It makes complete sense.

And if that weren't enough, I went to Panda Express for lunch today, and my fortune cookie said "Soon you will be getting the recognition that you deserve."

It's as if the masses were confirming my theory. Soon I will be mega famous. And you will all have the privileged of saying that you knew me back in the day. Relish the thought.

So there you have it. It has all been confirmed to me. Get ready world! My time has almost come!

Still Hurts

2011-03-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I know it has been a while since I posted, because life has just been so busy and things have been happening that have just been discouraging, and it makes me not really want to blog, but I needed to turn to my journal for a minute today, so here I am.

I am feeling really discouraged today. I have a date tonight with a guy that works at the mall that I asked out last weekend...terrifying story, but he said yes so it has a good ending. You would think that since I have a date tonight, I wouldn't be feeling so shitty, but I do, because I can't help but think that this is just going to end up being yet another blow to my self esteem.

Jason broke up with me two months ago, but I still can't stop thinking about him. I think it hurts me more now to think about him breaking up with me than it did the night that he actually did. I miss him. I want to be able to just go over to his house and see him, or go out to dinner with him, or even better, make dinner together like we used to. I sent him a text today saying hi, and I wanted to say "Hey babe...." but of course I couldn't. I still don't really know why he broke up with me. I think if I did know, I might feel better about it, but since I don't, I can't help but dwell on it.

Anyway, I just needed to wring out my sponge of feelings for a few minutes. And as an update...my date tonight just text me and said we have to postpone...his grandpa is in the hospital getting tests done. Not sure what to think yet. I was really looking forward to tonight, and he says he was too. I want to believe him, because I don't see why he would have any reason to lie to me, but with my track record, he could be just another guy that doesn't want to go on a date with me, so he is making up some kind of excuse. For now, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, but we will see if he actually reschedules with me, or just forgets about it all together.

Love you all. Hope you are well. I can't promise that I will be back with another post soon, because I am trying to spend less time online, but try not to forget about me, please!

Defying Gravity - An Anniversary Tribute

2011-02-16T01:01:00.002-07:00

One year ago today, I came out to the entire world. I did so with a post on my seldom ever read blog, but I did not come out to the world all at once. It took time, and was a process that took years. Several months before I posted this post, I wrote a letter to my parents in which, for the first time in my entire life, I came out to them. I did not send it to them, however. That took some time to work up the courage to do. It was an incredibly emotional and occasionally painful process. At the time, I was living 300 miles away, in a little conservative college town in Southern Utah. When I moved away from home less than a year prior, I had no intention whatsoever of ever coming out to anyone. But after I moved, all of that changed.

When I got to Cedar City, and in turn began living the college student, first time on my own life, I began to realize that if I ever wanted to do this, THIS was the time to do it. It was something that I struggled with internally for months, fighting myself, and eventually letting that internal struggle begin to creep into and poison my relationships with my closest friends, without even realizing it.

It wasn't until one day, after fighting with my best friend Becky C, sending her home crying, confused and not understanding why I was pushing her away, that I realized that I needed to let her in. And who better to let into my life than the friend who had become so close to me? So I told her, and she became the first of my friends or family to ever know that I was gay, other than a couple of other gay guys that I had met at college, and had confided in.

Becky helped me come to terms with myself and begin to simply accept and be okay with who I am. I will never be able to repay her for that service that she did to me. And over the next several months, I began to compile the following letter, which eventually I gathered up enough courage to send to my parents. In the four days between when I dropped the letter into the outgoing mail slot, and the day that I got the phone call from my parents after they read it, I spilled more tears of sheer fear than I have ever shed in my life, simply because I had no idea what to expect. But in the end, I am elated that it all worked out for the better, and things have never been better since. So, as a one year tribute to the day that I came out to my parents, and then to the world later that same night, I wanted to post the exact letter, word for word, that I sent to my parents. Sorry for the longevity of it. If you make it to the end, you deserve a gold star!

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dad and Jazz-

No doubt you are confused by the instructions I gave for reading this letter. Each of you
with an exact copy sealed in envelopes and instructions to only read at home together. Well,
you’ll soon understand why. A letter seemed best to me, as I can’t bear to watch or hear your
immediate reactions. Also, it will allow you time to think and feel without either of us expecting a
direct response.

As you read the following lines, please remember that I’m the same little boy that I always
have been. Please remember that I love you, no matter what. I hope in the deepest depths of my
heart that you will understand—if not now, then over time.

I have never been so scared to do something in my life, but, I know that it needs to be
done. I have tried to ignore it for years and years; telling myself that it isn’t necessary, and that I
can completely avoid it. But things have changed. I understand the world more. I understand me
more, and, as much as it pains me, it has become a realization to me that things need to change.
I can’t keep living with half of who I am in the dark. I feel a burning desire to be able to fully share
my life with you. I’ve been waiting to open up and be fully truthful. I’ve actually attempted to tell
you a few times, though I’m still terrified of rejection. I’ve dropped hints here and there, but I’ve
never been able to say it to you straight out. In all honesty, this ought not to be difficult—but it
is. My greatest hope is that you’ll recognize that I’m still the same son you had when you started
reading this letter. I am gay. There are no ‘ifs’, ‘ands’, or ‘buts’ about it and nothing you or I could
do can change that. I know this because before I came to accept it myself I did all of the crying,
praying, soul-searching, and wishing that I possibly could. I don’t know why I’m gay, just that I
am. I had no choice in the matter. For me it is natural, just as it is for those who are heterosexual.

I am not positive that I know for sure how hard this will be for either of you, and I am not
sure what kind of reaction to expect, but I want to make sure that both of you know that none of
this is your fault. None of it is anyone’s fault. Like I said before, I do not know why I am gay, and
to be completely honest, I wish I wasn’t. But there is no way for me to change it. The feelings I
have are not feelings of choice. They are natural feelings that I have no control over. I have been
this way for nearly as long as I can remember.

You may be wondering, why would I come out now? I have been struggling with this
question myself for quite some time now. I have not wanted to come out, but at the same time, I
have wanted to more than anything else in the world. To me, coming out means that finally, I can
share all of who I am with you, rather than only part. I want you to know that I love you both more
than I can ever explain. I know that I was a very selfish person growing up, and still am, and I am
sorry for that.

The thing that has scared me the most in coming out has not been and never was the
reaction of my friends, but of your reactions, and also Grandma and Grandpa Wilkey’s reactions.
It pains me more than I can ever describe to you to know that I am possibly causing any of you
any pain or grief at all. Figuring out how I was going to break the news has been my biggest
concern, and I do not know how you are going to react, but I hope with all of my heart that you
can accept me for who I am. I feel like I deserve, and also that you deserve, the opportunity to
love me unconditionally. I cannot bear to think of what it would be like to have you reject me. It
scares me more than anything else in the world.

I want nothing more than to just scream to the world who I really am, and to not be afraid;
to not have to hide. I want nothing more than to be able to be myself, always. I am tired of putting
on a façade. I am tired of fighting emotions that I have no control over. I am tired of crying myself
to sleep because I am so lost, and so confused, and don’t know what to do. I am tired of not
being able to talk to anyone. For most of my life, there has never been anyone that I could be
completely myself with, but I want to change that. So, here we are now.

For several years now, I have been struggling deeply with depression. I have been
unable to love myself and to let anyone love me for a very long time. I have had a very hard
time accepting who I am. There are times when I am ashamed. There are times when I am
angry. There are times when I just want to completely give up and remove myself from the world,
because it would have been so much easier than admitting to you that I am gay. But the ONLY
reason that I am still here today, is because of you two, and the love that you have shown me. I
realize that taking my own life would be the most selfish thing that I could ever do to you.

High school was especially hard for me, because as I watched many of my friends in their
relationships, I began to realize that it was not going to be like that for me. I realized I am never
going to be able to take a girl that I loved to the temple, and be sealed for eternity. I am never
going to be able to have children of my own. You have no idea how hard that was for me. There
were several times where I tried to force myself to like girls. As much as I tried, and as much as I
wanted to, I couldn’t ever seem to make it happen.

I don’t know if I believe in the church or not. I am expected to go on a mission in a
mere matter of months, and have been acting like I am going to, but I don’t think I can do it. I
guess I have only made it harder for myself by living a lie. The problem is that everything in the
church makes complete sense to me, except my part in it. According to the doctrines that I want
to believe are true, people like me should not exist. People like me are a sore in the sight of
god. People like me are an unholy and unclean thing. But the problem I see with this is, even if
I wanted to change that part about me, I can’t. It is who I am. It’s not because I am unwilling to
separate myself from that. It’s simply a fact that I cannot change the feelings I have. That’s just
the way they are. Why would a God as great as the one that I want to believe in create something
that is completely unchangeable, embed it in one of his children, and then tell them that they
cannot return to him because they are what he made them? I really want to believe in it all. It all
makes so much sense, except for the fact that I am not allowed to enjoy the eternal blessings
that every else is, because I am gay. I had no say in the matter. I was not given a choice. So I
don’t understand how God can take away someone’s agency like that, and deny them eternal
salvation.

No offense to either of you, but Dad, your reaction is the one that I am most worried
about. Somehow I get a feeling that Jazz will not have the slightest problem with this bit of
information, but I am not so sure about you. I think this is because we have never exactly seen
eye to eye on things, and because of that, I don’t fully understand you. I know that you are
capable of being just as loving, if not more, as you always have been, and I know that you are
capable of being the supportive and caring person that I would like you to be right now, but I just
don’t really know what to expect. For some reason I have it in me that you might be very mad at
me for it. I hope that that isn’t the case, because the larger side of me thinks that that is not how
you would react.

The question of telling you has been without a doubt the ultimate pressing issue on my
mind for quite a few years. Long before I began planning how or when to tell you, I knew it was
something that would eventually have to be done. Of course, there was always the possibility that
I could just never tell you and keep that part of my life permanently hidden from you. There are
many who advised me never to tell my parents that I am gay, but several factors helped make me
realize that that wasn’t a viable option. For one, you are too close and too important to me for me
to keep such an important part of my life from you. It is a tribute to you that I am who I am today.
You have often commented on how withdrawn I get from you guys and from the rest of the family,
and I have always understood exactly what you were talking about, but I could never bring myself
to tell you the major reason as why. Until now, I have excluded you from this part of my life, but it
has become painful to keep something so important to me hidden from you. I want to give you the
opportunity to share this part of my life with me.

But there are other factors behind my decision to tell you. I have tried to speculate how
each of you would react to this news you have just received. I honestly have no idea how you
will respond. I figured I could either tell you or I could not, but I know that if I hold it all in, only to
find out much later in life you would have been loving and supportive all along (and from the love
you’ve shown me all my life, I think I owe it to you to believe that you are capable of continuing to
love and support me as you always have), the regret would be too great. Knowing that we missed
sharing so much of my life would be disheartening and overwhelming.

And there are still more reasons. One of my worst fears has always been that of you
hearing rumors from somebody else; as long as the big secret was kept from you, I would always
have to watch my back, careful of who I told, and perpetually worrying that somehow you’d find
out from someone else, perhaps in a less-than-flattering manner; quite frankly, that would not be
fair to me, and that would not be fair to you.

Over the summer, I came out to my first person. It was a friend that I met through
Ambassadors, and I felt that, for the first time in my life, I wanted to be able to have someone that
I could tell absolutely anything to. Since then, I have come out to several other friends, both from
high school and from SUU, including Becky, and Steven, and it has been incredibly rewarding for
me. I no longer have to hide who I am, and I can talk about issues important to me without fear of
being rejected. In short, I didn’t have to be paranoid anymore. But at the same time, it suddenly
became harder to be with you, without you knowing.... Before that, I had always kept everything
hidden from you, but I had kept everything hidden from most people, so it didn’t bother me much.
I now have to stuff everything back into the closet, so to speak, whenever I am home, continually
being very conscious of everything I said and implied, and putting on a façade to prevent any
suspicions that I wasn’t completely happy—because I didn’t want probing questions. This
unhappiness around you had nothing to do with you. Rather, it had only to do with me and with
the fact that I couldn’t be myself around you. By that point, the solution was obvious to me: I
wanted to be able to be around you, and I wanted to be comfortable and happy around you too—
so I knew I had to tell you soon.

I know the coming weeks and months will be difficult for all of us, as we struggle to come
to terms as a family with the news I have just shared. Please understand that I am not trying to
hurt you, rather, I want to try to bring you into a part of my life that you may only now be realizing
you have been missing from. I wouldn’t at all be surprised to find that over the years you have
wondered or had suspicions. In fact, I can distinctly remember one time when you asked me,
Jazz, if I had ever wondered if I was gay. It was after all the trouble I had gotten into at Sunset
Ridge, and Ms. Jensen had you take me home early that day. Do you remember? I immediately
told you no, that I was not. There was no way that I could have told you then, but I can now. This
is by no means an easy task, and I am ready to be patient. But I want you to remember, Mom
and Dad, that I’m the same person today that I was yesterday, only now you know a little bit more
about me. And we now have before us a tremendous opportunity to become closer than we ever
have. I still love you and will always love you just the same, and I hope that you can continue
loving me and being happy for me as you always have. And remember, whenever you have
questions or issues you feel you’re ready to discuss, please don’t hesitate to call me and ask me
anything. Really, I want to be there for you, to help you through this, just as I hope you will be
there for me.

On another note, If feel that I need to be fair to you, and tell you that I have
already told Grandma and Grandpa Wilkey. They have known since October. I know that this
may be aggravating news to you, as you guys are once again the “last to know,” but I want you to
understand my reasoning for telling them before I told you. There are several. The first was that I
wanted to hear their opinion on how I should break the news to you two, although I was not
prepared for their answer. They did not want me to tell you at all. Grandpa is of the opinion that
you, Dad, will “blow your top.” I sincerely hope that that is not the case. I feel like I know you well
enough to know that you wouldn’t react so dramatically. They simply wanted me to “ride it out”
and see if my feelings change. Well, I can assure you that they aren’t going to. The second
reason that I told them was that I wanted their opinion on what I should do about the church.
Again, it was a ride it out approach, and they felt that I should talk to my Bishop and Stake
President down here in Cedar. It took a long time for me to work up the courage to do so, but
eventually I did. After many discussions with them, it has been decided that I am still in good
standing with the church, and am still worthy of callings, and a temple recommend, etc. However,
they are not going to allow me to serve a mission. They feel that there are too many risks
involved with it. I did not wish to hurt you or offend you or make you at all mad by telling Grandma
and Grandpa before I told you, I simply was doing what I thought was best for me. However, I
have not told anyone else in the family yet (either side). And I have not made it common
knowledge to my friends either. I have purposefully only told a select few people, as I wanted you
to know first.

I think the next hurdle that I will face is telling the rest of the family, both immediate and
extended. I think I have decided that I will mail this same or a similar letter to others when I am
prepared to do so, and I feel that they are prepared to hear this news, and after you’ve had time
to make your initial adjustment and recover from shock. If you’d like, we can discuss this plan and
make tweaks and adjustments to it so we both feel comfortable about it. My greatest hope is to
avoid singling anyone out and avoid any hurt feelings. Announcing that I will not be going on a
mission will be good enough reason to some of the family to look at me as an outcast, but then
add the fact that I’m gay and the some of them may or may not disown me completely. I hope in
the depths of my heart that I do not force us into two separate camps of who can and who can’t
continue to love me, though I know that this information is likely to do so. I can no longer avoid
being honest and open about my true self in the name of protection. I will hope for the best.

I will leave the next step in our relationship to you, but let me first reiterate my love for
you. You are my Mom and Dad. I would gladly follow you to the ends of the earth and support you
in all of your hardship, and nothing can change that. Please be patient with yourselves! Know that
if you are uncomfortable with those thoughts now, you will adjust with time—I have confidence in
you. Most importantly, I want you to know I am happy with my life right now. I hope I do not worry
you. I will respect your decision to respond to this or not. It will not change me. I do invite you to
write me back with mail, or to give me a call if you feel so inclined, but I recognize that the choice
is yours to do so or not. I hope to receive something from you, even if it is only acknowledgement
that you received and read this letter. No matter what happens, I will still love you.

I love you with all of my heart.
-Corey

The Story of a Boy and His Stage

2011-02-15T00:43:00.002-07:00

I am thinking that it is going to be hard for me to explain my thoughts in this post. My mood right now is...hopeful? With a glimmer of optimism, mixed with understanding, and sprinkled with patience. Maybe that will help...

I am sitting at my computer, which is sitting on my green desk, under my Justin Beiber poster and my tassel from my 2009 high school graduation, in a room filled with the evidence that I have begun to build a life for myself.

And I blog. This post is kind of a return to the basics for me...tonight I am using my blog for what I originally intended it to be, because I have something that I need to record; not necessarily something that I want to share...simply something that I need to sit and think about for a minute.

It is a quarter to 11PM in Utah, USA as I write this. Valentine's Day, 2011. Three days ago, I had my auditions at Tuachan Amphitheater for the 2011 Broadway in the Desert series, featuring the U.S. Regional Premier of Disney's "The Little Mermaid" and the Broadway classic, "Grease." If you have never heard of or had the privileged of attending a production at Tuacahn, then understand that Tuacahn's productions are Broadway quality. You cannot find better theater in the United States outside of New York City than you can in little Ivins Utah.

And so it has been my dream to be a member of the family at Tuacahn.

My audition went well. I am more than satisfied with it. I performed my piece better than I ever have before. But, as is often the case in show business, I did not make it to call backs.

Now before you go on with your sighs and shucks, I am not disappointed at all. I am not upset. I am not distraught that my dreams are never coming true. They just aren't coming true yet.

Tonight I took a drive up to Tuachan. It is late and very dark out and there was nobody there but me. I pulled in the drive, drove around back and parked, and walked backstage. I have worked at Tuacahn before, and this wasn't my first time being on that stage, but tonight, it was just me and the theater.

I walked around the sets, observing the timeline of props from past shows all around me: the mummy encasing from Aida. The jungle trees from Tarzan. The Saloon from Crazy For You. The subway train from Cats. So much Tuacahn history....so much time and hard work and detail. So many actors and actresses, local talent, national stars, and brilliant directors. So much magic and talent.

I walked out to center stage, my attention diverted towards the canyon walls. Tuachan sits at the top of a canyon, surrounded my hundred foot high walls of the most beautiful red rock you have ever seen. The sky is filled with the stars, and the crickets and bats and other wildlife can be heard all around the outer perimeters of the stage and auditorium. It honestly is one of the most absolute beautiful places that I have ever been to; who knew you could find such pure beauty in a desert in Southern Utah?

Then I turned my eyes towards the 1,900 seat auditorium. I don't know what it was about it this time that was different from any other time, but my breath literally was taken away for a minute. It was just me and the theater. It was all mine right at that moment, and I couldn't help but to imagine it full to the brim, 3,800 eyes all on me at once, and I closed my eyes and began to sing. This was my moment....the beginning of my story; just me and the stage. Nobody was there, and so I sang, and I sang my heart out.

And when I finished, and the echo of my last note had faded to nothing, I had one of the most powerful experiences of my life. It sounds cheesy and theater-major mellow dramatic of me to say that this particular moment was such a mind boggling, life altering, thought changing experience as it was, but I have never understood things more clearly than I did at that moment.

I understood that one day, I would be there, in that spot, doing that again, but the next time, it wouldn't be just me and the stage. It would be me and the stage, and the 1,900 people whose 3,800 eyes are all on me, and I would be singing to them.

And it clicked to me. It made sense. I have nothing but time on my hands....nothing but plenty of time.

I'm 19. I am inexperienced. I haven't gone through the process and earned my right to have my name in a playbill for that theater. But I will. When? I can't say. Maybe next year, or the year after. Maybe in ten years. But one day, I will stand on that stage, and my spirit will take flight.

And as mellow-dramatic and stupid as it may sound to you, it makes sense to me.It will happen one day. I just have to be patient, and continue to work hard, improving and fine tuning my talents. Then, when I am ready, I'll get my chance. Until then, I think I am just going to sneak into Tuachan after hours and get comfy and familiar with the stage....keep myself motivated and understanding.

365 Better Todays

2011-02-14T17:07:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Guess what!? It's time for another guest post! This one is from my darling best friend Becky, and she has a request for all of you! Read what she has to say, and then click this link, and go and follow her blog! She sure loves you all!

Hey you there…no…you…yeah, you. What are you? Let me see your qualifications to be
reading this post. PS, your credentials should start out something like “http://...” and probably
end with something like “…blogspot.com”.

Bloggers. Blog-stalkers. Blog-readers. Blog-browsers. We’ve created a community here. Do you
see that? You’re part of my community. And I’m part of yours. And we’re friends. We’ve never
met, but we maintain a strong, non-dating, online relationship. I know what type of work you do
and when you got your last haircut. You know my pet peeves and how much I love weekends. I
would recognize your dog if I saw it on the street and you’d recognize my nephews.

We met through a mutual friend…or more likely through his blog. Then I checked your blog.
You checked mine. One of us commented on the other’s. One of us started following the other’s.
We started reading the post-comments and linking to other bloggy friends. It’s been progressing
in true fairytale fashion. Our friendship beautifully follows all the pre-established social norms.

I talk about you to my mom on the phone. I send my sister links to your pages. I’m inspired by
your hopes, goals, dreams, projects, opinions, attitudes, and motives. You’re my good friend.

Anytime something good happens (or something bad, stupid, funny, lame, inconsequential, etc.)
I think, “Oh my heck, I have to blog about this!” I owe it to my blog-friends (including you)
to celebrate my mediocrity. I expect you to celebrate yours too. Let us rejoice in our normalcy
together!

If our bloggy relationship continues to go well, I might follow you on Twitter or request to be
your Facebook friend…But only if you mention my link on your page. Because, let’s face it, I
don’t want to push our relationship to new levels before we’re ready. I believe in the norm of
reciprocity.

Regardless of your status as a blogger or as my stalker, reader, or occasional blog-browser, thank
you for your friendship. And now let’s take it to a new level, if you don’t mind. Are you ready
for this? Visit my new page. I’ve got another blog. It’s my pride and joy. It’s like my child. It’s
my non-romantic love. I nurture it with love and attention. I think of it when I’m not with it. I
constantly wonder how it’s doing. And I think you should visit it. And I think you should refer
friends to it. And I think you should link to it from your page. Perhaps you could talk to your
mom about it on the phone. Send the link to your sister. Check it. Follow it. And love it.

Because I love you.

After all, dear, we are in a community together.

Click here now.

Headshots!

2011-02-12T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I just wanted to go ahead and post my headshots that Nessa took for me! She does such a good job! Here are some of my favorites!

Gay Dating In A Small Town

2011-02-07T23:38:00.001-07:00

I was asked by an owner of a website to write a few articles from my perspective on a few topics that she gave me. One of them was about gay dating in a small town...and I wanted to go ahead and share that here...it's not my best writing by any stretch at all...but I think that there is some helpful advice for any gay guys that are living in and dating around in a small town. So here it is...my big little bit of crappy wisdom.

___________________________________________

Gay dating doesn’t have to be hard in a small town. I myself live in a small town, and I find meeting new people and going on dates somewhat awkward, because there seems to be a circle of gay guys....meaning everyone has dated everyone else. You and your potential date could have all the same x-boyfriends. There is no getting around that. The best thing to do, is just come to a realization yourself that it is bound to happen, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it! The sooner you get past that, the more fun you will have, and the easier it will be to enjoy yourself.

Small towns also have the obstacle of not having tons of things to do on dates. There isn’t always a bowling alley, or a skating rink, or even a movie theater, so some of the more conventional date ideas might not be an option. To get around this, try going to the park and having a picnic, or maybe even inviting your date over to your house to make dinner together. Making dinner together is a GREAT date idea, as it forces you and your date to work together, interact with each other, and also gives plenty of opportunity for flirting and playing around with each other, if your relationship with each other has reached that point.

Another thing that I find fun in this small little town is taking my date out and teaching them how to drive a manual vehicle. Many people do not own, nor do they know how to drive a manual vehicle. If this is the case with your date, and you happen to have a stick shift, then take them to an empty parking lot, and teach them the basics, as long as you are comfortable letting someone else drive your car! It is fun, useful, and again provides a good opportunity to work together and interact.

Many small towns also have areas close by that are good for hiking or going out to see nature’s natural beauties! Take advantage of that! Believe it or not, many gays actually love to go hiking and camping! Go to the river and float down together on rafts, or find your favorite trail and go for a bike ride. There are always plenty of things to do for dates in small towns! Just think outside the box!

Painting Happy

2011-02-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

This post goes out to my darling friend Martina at Building Beauty, since she does stuff like this all the time, and her finished product always looks a thousand times better than mine!

So I painted my room last night! How fun, right!? Mike and Connie went to Vegas last night for the night, and left me all home alone! :( Connie went to go see her brother's baby, and Mike went down to a birthday party of one of his friends. Anyway, since I was going to be home all alone for the night, I decided to just paint! Random, right? Kinda, but not really. I have wanted to paint one accent wall in my room now for a long time, but was never sure what color to do. I was planning on doing it in a couple of weeks once my tax return showed up and all my new furniture for my room arrived (a new bad frame, dresser, desk, rug, beanbag, and nightstands) but ended up just spontaneously doing it yesterday! Insane, right!?

But totally worth it. I still had no idea what color I was going to so, but I knew that I think I wanted to do a dark blue of some sort. But then I thought that no, that wouldn't go with the new furniture, and mainly it wouldn't go with the new rug that I got, because they were black and white. And then I realized, yes, they will, silly me! Black and white goes with anything. But on the drive to Home Depot to get the paint, I decided no, not blue. I would pick something out when I got there.

But then when I started picking out colors...I forgot that I resolved not to do blue, and ended up buying a gallon of blue paint, before I remembered that I didn't want blue. Whoops. I guess we're doing blue...Nocturnal Sky, to be exact.

So I went home and started taping and painting! And now, less than 24 hours later, I am done, and it looks so good! I put two coats on, and it's still not perfect, but it is pretty dang good looking for a first time painter!

Now I have to get ready for the day, because I am driving down to Mesquite (halfway between here and Las Vegas) today to meet up with a friend who is going to do a photo shoot for me and take some head shots. I need some current, up to date pictures with my new hair for my Tuacahn Auditions next weekend! Ah! I am getting so nervous for those! I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend! Good luck to those of you in the midwest and eastern parts of the United States that are sitting under a plethora of snow right now! Don't die! Love you all! And good luck to my friends in Europe too who are also fighting terrible snowstorms! And In Australia with the nasty Cyclone! I hope you are all doing okay! And welcome to my new followers! Thanks for visiting! You guys keep me blogging :)

Update...

2011-01-31T14:05:00.001-07:00

I am entirely humbled that so many of you read my blog regularly enough to notice that I haven't posted in nearly two weeks! I apologize for that, and also thank you all for your patience. I have gotten emails, tweets, comments and even text messages from all of a number of you asking me to jump back into the blogging world, and get a new post up stat! So, thanks to all your peer pressure, here I am.

I apologize that I have not been around for a while! It has been a very long, full and frustrating two weeks, filled with writing papers, stretching till I am so sore that my legs feel like jelly, listening to angry breakup songs, and stressing over doing my taxes, which really ended up not being that hard, and ENTIRELY worth the time I took to file them.

I have to say though, that I am fed up with Dixie State College, especially their financial aid department. I have been fighting them to get my FAFSA (for those of you not in the U.S., that is the Free Application for Financial Student Aid) application and funds to go through and applied to my account, but they are giving me every hassle they can find. I hate them. It was not this hard to do at Southern Utah University, but I am now at the point at Dixie where if it does not clear by tomorrow, Dixie is going to drop me from the school. But I am going to beat them to the punch. If it ends up getting to the point that they are going to drop me, I am going to drop them first! HA! That otta show 'em.

Anyway, I did my taxes back, and was delighted to see that my return is over three thousand dollars! I love doing my own taxes! haha I am going to treat myself to a new car stereo, and some other goodies, when it comes through in a few weeks. I went online shopping last night and found some wonderful deals...and I especially can't wait for the Apple TV that I am buying! Will post updates once I get them.

Last thing before I go, I went to Vegas again this last weekend. My new roommates Connie's brother is having a baby today, and so his wife was having her baby shower Saturday in Vegas. I took Connie down there to see them and be at the shower, and then Connie and I did some exploring in the Vegas area too. We went to Hoover Dam, one of my favorite places in that area! Connie has never been! Can you believe that!? And she grew up in Vegas! So I took her and she and I had so much fun. :)

Anyway, thanks to all of you for continually reading! I will try to get back to my more regular schedule, and stay consistent! School is good, work gets better every day, and I am getting back on my feet! Love you all!

Say Goodbye, and Welcome the New

2011-01-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

Morgan's post earlier today really got me thinking about my life...not necessarily what it is now, but what I long for it to be. It's no surprise to anyone who reads my blog that I am a performer, and I thrive on the adrenaline of an audience. I live to perform. I've made hard work my life. I dream wide awake. I dream with my heart.

I just am looking for that break; for that chance to break through. I deserve to be seen, and I'm destined to prove that I'm ready to fly! This dream of mine feels far overdue. For a while, there was light within me that started to fade...I lost sight of the someone that I had always dreamed to be. But the thing that I am starting to realize is that I need to stop pretending that I cannot change my ending.

Yeah, in the course of pursuing my dream I have fought, I have cried, and I have been bruised and broken. But at the end of the day, the life of a performer is still what I chose. In high school, I always fought hard to prove that I was the best, but in an effort to shed my conceded skin, I lost that, and shed my skin until none of that part of me was left. I lost my passion and my gut.

But say goodbye to the boy who was scared to let go. Say goodbye to man who just felt comfortable at home. Say hello to the world that I forgot was there...hello to the boy who isn't scared to stop his dreams from going nowhere. I'm writhing inside! Watch me stand on that stage and see my spirit take flight! I am yearning to see life outside the unknown! To achieve all my dreams and to rise to my goals! Who walks away when life is just beginning? I won't let that be me.

All I need is that break; I'm SO ready to fly. Someone give me the chance, and you'll see my hope and my drive. I've got what it takes. I am song, I am dance. I can be what you want! I know all that's at stake. I won't stop till I finally get there, I will prove I belong, because I have worked far too hard to be brushed off so soon.

So here is to my newfound dedication to the auditions for Tuacahn's 2011 season in three weeks. Today's old cocoon will hatch a new butterfly. All I need know is for everyone to wake up and see that I am a star.

So say goodbye to the old me, because here comes the new.

Guest Post Time!

2011-01-19T11:22:00.002-07:00

Many thanks to Morgan at The Adorkable Ditz's Missteps for today's post! She has given me the day off and has, in my opinion, written a VERY good post! ;) Hope you guys enjoy!

(In an old style radio commercial male voice) Wishing your life was a musical?

(Morgan, looking around dazed and confused to what seems to be nothing there) Who me?

Yeah you, the one with a big bump on your rump.

(Looks around at her butt but takes the time to try and find where the voice is coming from) I DO NOT!

Oh come on, everyone does, now let’s get on with our montage and work it girl!

(Tries to walk away but the voice and music are following her) Okay…

-Insert peppy music here-

(Insert operatic voice here) What do you do when you’re feeling blue, or stuck doing remedial chores?

(Looks around, walking faster but sings in response) Uh…I sing?

What do you wish when your life passes by?

(Stops in her tracks and points up at the imaginary figure in the sky) Umm, listen I don’t know where the hell you’re getting at here, and who are you anyways, I hear you but I don’t see you.

-piano keys stop with a blam!-

(In a calm, speaking voice) That’s the whole point here, I am your narrator and only you can hear me. I’m making your life into a musical!

(Looks around still with a puzzled expression)…What’s the point of my life being a musical if no one but me can experience.

(Frustrated, the narrator bellows) LOOK DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU OR NOT?!?!??!?!

(She jumps at the first word from the outburst) Okay, okay –whimpers-

(Chipper narrator resumes) Good…Now where was I?...Fiddlesticks…I don’t remember.

(Morgan starts to get annoyed) Listen I don’t know who sent you, but I don’t need you to do that. My life is fine without it being a musical. Besides it’s cheesy.

(In his best “oh no you didn’t” expression) Cheesy? Says the girl who sings Rent songs everyday and Hairspray, and pretends that you are Roxy and Sandy from Chicago and Grease...

(Looks around and people are stopping to stare at this girl, who is yelling at…herself?) HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!

Girl I’m the equivalent to a Fairy Godmother, but for musicals.

I didn’t ask for my life to be a musical.

Well somebody did, or else why would I be here wasting my time with you?

Look…I think I know where this is going to go…

(Moments later when Morgan had a chance to escape the verbal abuse from the bodiless voice, she is at her laptop furiously typing away an email to Corey)

Corey,

Listen, I don’t know what the fuck just happened to me but I swear you have something to do with it. I was walking along in public, minding my own business, then KABLAM, a musical narrator started harassing me…And I swear it sounded a lot like you…Look I said that I would get into detail about why I fell in love with musicals, but what you did was just too farfetched…

-sigh-

Well here it goes.

You know those movies like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolored Dreamcoat, Grease, Chicago, Rent, Sweeny Todd, etc? Yeah I’ve loved those for as long as I can remember, the movies I can watch over and over again because it’s just magical. Everything seems so perfect in the story and when they don’t, they have a perfect song to express the emotions that they’re feeling.

Music is life, it is our soul and it saddens me that people don’t appreciate the better music in life.

Yeah I’m spoiled, my parents take me to shows when we’re down at our Timeshare at the Lawrence Welk Resort and I get to be immersed with fine music, acting and imagery as well as the rest being left my imagination, but that’s just what I need. As you probably read, school was tough on me for a while and music, whether it was me playing it or imagining that my life was a musical, it was an escape.

I mean put yourself in my shoes and not want things to seem as “perfect” as it does in a musical. The good goes on, the bad messes with the good, the good and bad fight, the good triumphs and all in wonderful songs and

dance routines and smiles and emotion.

I am a very emotional person and if I could sing and dance to save my life, I would be aspiring to be on Broadway like you, but to face the facts, I am not that musically and physically coordinated. Haha.

Now, I told you what you wanted to know, now keep that narrator out of my head! People think I’m crazy enough as it is, I don’t want to go to the looney bin and get put in a straight jacket…Although that would be a good setting for a musical…

No Morgan snap out of it!

Living Life In Zombie Mode

2011-01-14T11:02:00.002-07:00

I was going to write a post about the new zodiac sign and how after nearly 20 years of being an Aries, supposedly I am now a Pices. But I am not going to talk about that because it makes me mad and I am told that I am wrong anyway and even if I am right I REFUSE to be a Pices.

This is how I feel.

Now that I have that off my chest, I can move on.

I just got to work this morning, and let me just say that I am a hot damn mess today. Not only do I feel like it, I look like it too. I imagine from the outside looking in, I look very similar to this man in this picture. Tampons in the mouth and all.

This week has been the craziest, busiest week I have had since high school. Classes at the college started this week, plus I kept my full time job. I come to work, then I leave for class, then I head back to work, and back to class, and then back to work again. After work, I pick Jason up from work, take him home, and then depending on if I have homework or not, either spend some time with him, or go home and get my homework done. I feel it also important to note that I am also taking two upper division classes, so my homework load is already piling up after only the first week of classes. What have I gotten myself tangled up in? The picture of the schedule below is my actual schedule from this week in my work calendar. Literally GO GO GO from 9 AM until 7 PM every night. Plus Jason time/ Homework time after 7PM that is not scheduled out.

Zombie Mode

So now that the picture has been painted, you can more easily imagine me looking like that man. I have no energy left. I am simply functioning in zombie mode.

In my Modern Dance class yesterday, we really started getting right into it. The Instructor wanted us to understand the importance of a strong central core, and get us to start working it out and strengthening it, so for the entire hour and a half long class, we were working out our abs and core area.

Guess who is SO out of shape? Fatty Mc Fat Fat ME. I am lazy, unmotivated and lazy. Oh, and lazy. The routines that she was putting us through had me panting after 30 seconds. And guess where I chose to be? Dead center in the middle of the class. Right where all 24 of the girls had a perfect view of my failing ways. Not that I am worries about what the girls think of me...I have no desire to impress any of them. But man oh man was it a whack at my ego. WHACK! Home run with the baseball bat. I never would have done well in any kind of athletics. Good thing I never tried for them in high school. I would have made a utter fool of myself.

FML

Anyway, after the workout she started teaching us the beginning of a routine to the music from Sherlock Holmes. Did you guys see that movie!? It was SO good! And the music is SO cool sounding! So this is going to be a really cool and fun class. I am pretty excited! The only thing I am not excited about is the fact that the class is starting to rub off on my dreams, too. I dreamed I was dancing on a lake (yes, I was dancing on water) in a yellow tutu. I guess I should be glad it was a yellow tutu though. I look good in yellow.

Anyway, I have to actually work now and call another one of my selfish, mean, ungrateful clients. (She thinks the fact that her computer is slow, and hence she is having a hard time getting her website done is my fault, and was appalled that I would suggest she get an upgrade on her computer. When I suggested that, she hung up on me, and then proceeded to email me things like, "I have no money to upgrade, I will be homeless in July. Thanks for nothing" and "I will be contacting your superiors about what you did to me." Yup. About what "I" did to HER! Little does she know that my superiors have been well informed on her for quite a while now. I don't think she is going to get much sympathy.)

Volcano right outside of St. George in Snow Canyon State Park

Anyway, I hope you all have a BLAST of a weekend! I am thinking about taking Jason hiking up the side of one of the dormant volcanoes in the area this weekend. Should be fun!

Also, I want to note that I am sorry I have fallen behind with all your blogs! I am slowly getting caught up! So I promise I will comment soon!

Because We're Cool Like That

2011-01-13T08:29:00.001-07:00

This is what happens when Alli and I are really bored on a Saturday (Holiday Weekend) in little ol' college town Cedar City, Utah. It's only 30 seconds so you have no excuse not to watch it! Enjoy!

Why Did I Go Back To School Again?

2011-01-12T01:18:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, cause I have to grow up and live. And support myself. And not be stupid. Who's idea was all that bull?

I have only been to two days worth of classes and it is already kicking my butt. I have a full plate, people. I may only be taking 11 credits, but add to that a full time 40 hour a week job, AND being a full time boyfriend...well that's just the epitome of full dinner plate.

But the good thing is that school is a good kick in the butt. I am actually thoroughly enjoying my classes. Granted, again it's only been two days and I have only been to each of them once, but things seem to be smiling in my favor.

Here is the breakdown. Mondays and Wednesdays at 10am I have Social Ballroom Dance. I needed to get a dance class, and I was not sure if I was going to be able to make it into the dance class that I wanted, so I signed up for this as an alternative. However, Monday morning I signed onto Dixie's website, and saw that the Modern Dance class that I was trying to get into had been reopened, and so I jumped on it and got myself registered. Since I got in, I was planning on dropping Ballroom, but decided to go on the first day just to test the waters.

And now I am staying in it, because the teacher has a crush on me. So do three other girls in that class. The girls kept starting at me, and the professor locked eyes with me for 20+ seconds at a time, and started to stumble over her words every time that she did. I tend to have that effect on people. So I have decided to stay in her class, cause she seems like a sweetheart, and it would be fun to flirt with her young, married, Corey hungry heart.

Then, Tuesdays and Thursdays I have Emergence of Modern America at 9am, Modern Dance at 1pm, and then on Tuesdays only from 5:15pm until 7:45pm, I have History of Islam.

I am also the favorite student in my Emergence of Modern America class. I had not yet been officially registered for the class when I went to it this morning, because I was waiting for my transcripts to be cleared and applied. The class had two prerequisites that I needed listed before the online registry would allow me to enter the class. When they finally cleared, I tried again to register, but was still unable to, and then realized that in all actuality, I had only taken one, and not both of the prerequisites. SO I emailed the professor, explained my situation to him, and basically asked him for special treatment. He asked his boss to have the college waive the prerequisite and allow me into the class as a favor to him, stating that "I clicked with the other students in our discussion this morning and I would hate to lose that kind of participation in the class." So he loves me. Granted there are only 6 of us in that class, INCLUDING the professor. He likes us to call him Joel.

Then, I got to Modern Dance, and Shelbi Post was in that class with me! I was so exited to see her that I almost peed, and then after the class she told me she was dropping. So then, of course I was super sad, which was doubled by the fact that I was one of only two boys in that class, and the other boy told the professor he was dropping the class because he thought "Modern" dance was like hip hop and stuff. Since it was not, he did not want to be there.

Leaving me to be the only male dancer in a Modern Dance class filled with 24 other women. Talk about stereotype for gay.

And all I can say about History of Islam is that I am excited, just not for the 2 1/2 hour part of it.

But I also met with my Voice Lesson professor today too, who after talking with me agreed to teach me himself rather than have one of his adjuncts teach me! That is a VERY high compliment in the Music Education world, as the actual voice professor rarely teaches his own students in private lessons. He delegates that off to other professors. So I am set to start lessons with him next Friday at 11am! And I will be working on "I'm A Star" by Scott Alan with him. I. Can't. Wait.

Also, I know some of you are probably thinking, "Oh my God I am so sick of hearing about Corey and Jason!" And if you are, well I remind you that this is my blog. Notice my name in the domain name and my pictures off to the side. ;)

And I just have to say that my Hands smell like Jason! (Smiles!) I fell asleep on his chest tonight while we were watching The Truman Show. Love that movie. Jim Carey is such a good actor!

So life is crazy! And I am still trying to readjust to my new schedule, but hopefully after this week, it will all be back to normal! Hope you are all having a good week, too! Loves and hugs and kisses! And I hope all of my readers in Australia are home and are safe! I understand the flooding and tsunamis in Australia have been quite severe! I watched a video of it on YouTube today and it was so scary! Wishing you good luck and sending you positive thoughts from the United States!

Jason...

2011-01-10T00:09:00.000-07:00

Jason is seriously the best boyfriend in the world.

That pretty much sums up how I feel right now.

Hope you are all having a good day in your little corner of the world!

Ready, Set....ROLL CALL! Comment below and tell me where you are reading from!

Of Roommates and Drugs.

2011-01-09T10:42:00.002-07:00

I was going to repost this post, but I will just link to it instead. It's hilarious. But don't go read it until you are done reading my blog and have left a comment. Please and Thank You.

So a couple of big exciting changes happening this week! First of all, Mike and I have a new roommate! Connie moved in last night, and we are so excited about it because now our portion of utilities has gone down! Yahoo for roommates moving in!

Me and Connie. She looks great. I look like a plane crash.
*I looked at this picture about four hours after I posted this
post, and decided that this caption was in dire need of me
begging you all not to judge me from this picture! I hadn't
gotten ready for the day yet, so I look like a rooster. And
I haven't tucked my chin yet, so you can clearly see how fat
I am getting. Picture: Fail for me. Win for Connie. She looks
great!

But thats not really the only reason that I am excited! (But it is the biggest! ;)) I love Connie! She also works with me and Mike, so that should be interesting. All three of us work in the same place now, and we all live together! We will be spending all of our time with each other! Hope we don't rip each others throats out!

But with Connie moving in, cats are also moving in. Two of them. Remember how I told you all the other day that I am allergic to cats? Well, nothing has changed from the other day to today. I am still allergic. But, I am optimistic that it wont be too bad. I will just get used to it and then it wont bug me anymore. Besides, Jason has cats too, so whenever I am over at his house i get all stuffed up and such anyway, so I am bound to deal with cats one way or another. Benadryl to the rescue! I bought a bottle of 100 yesterday in a proactive effort to combat the evils of floating cat fuzzies that undoubtedly will go up my narrow nasal passages.

And I am flying high as a kite on them right now. Feels great!

Also, classes at the college start again tomorrow! As some of you may know already, I have made the official transfer to Dixie State College of Utah here in St. George. I could not make myself continue to pay Southern Utah University's tuition, plus commute an hour through high mountain passes to attend class every morning, and still work full time. So I made the move to St. George's smaller, but less expensive, and just as good school. And on the plus side, St. George has much better man candy to look at. So, needless to say, I am looking forward to being back in the classroom after a semester's break! Dixie does have a super lame mascot, though. We are the Red Storm.

Here is the story on that. Remember how I live in Utah, home of some of the country's most conservative people anywhere?

Well a couple years ago, Dixie was beginning the process of becoming The University of Utah at St. George. The University of Utah, up in Salt Lake, was helping them prepare their school for the change, but as a requirement of taking on their name, they were requiring a few changes of Dixie. The first being to shed their reputation as a party school, starting with their mascot. Previously, Dixie students were known as the Rebels. (Dixie, in the south, rebellion, civil war kind of stuff.)

Now, I know that this is a controversial subject because of the Civil War and Slavery and all that kind of stuff, but it's part of the history of the school. I dunno. I am split on it. I think my real issue just lies in Red Storm. What kind of mascot is that? f you have to change the mascot, pick a real freaking mascot.

Yup, that is where my real problem lies. Anyway. Long story short, University of Utah dropped the idea of taking on Dixie, even after they went through all the changes that were required of them. Instead, Dixie is now looking to become its own University, and go under the name of Dixie University. That should be happening in the next couple years! I am looking forward to it! My little St. George is growing up!

So anyway, hope you are all having a good weekend!

Everybody Eats Cafe Rio

2011-01-07T19:29:00.003-07:00

At least, in this town they do. Like, everybody. As in four syllables everybody. EVE-RY-BOD-Y!

Well, news flash for you, Cafe Rio (get ready everyone....I am going to need someone to give me my inhaler after this sentence): JUST BECAUSE EVERYBODY LOVES YOUR FATTENING FOOD AND YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL GET US ALL TOO FAT TO FIGHT BACK DOESN'T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GIVE ME SHITTY CUSTOMER SERVICE!

*Inhaler, Please. Thank you.*

Seriously, I am a little taken back by how many times I have had terrible customer service there. A week and a half ago, I went to Cafe Rio, and their Coke Machine was out of syrup. So I kindly let them know, and then waited for them to change it. When they informed me that it was fixed, I went and filled up my cup with coke to take to a co-worker, and was on my way back to work.

When I got there, I gave my co-worker Andrea her Coke, and she informed me that it was in fact Diet Coke. They replaced the regular coke diet coke, and thought that people wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Seriously?

And then today I placed my order online at 215, for pick up at 3, and it was not ready. But not only was it not ready, they made me pay for it, and then wait another 15 minutes before they started it while they helped their other customers in the regular line. I could have been in and out in 5 minutes if I had just gone through the regular line. What was the point of even ordering in advance online? Why do they even bother offering the service?

And then when I got back to work, 2 of the three orders were wrong, because they rushed to get them done because they knew that I was upset with them. And that is only two of the many times that I have had a terrible experience there. In fact, their food may be good, but I don't think I have ever had good customer service there. So I am never eating there again.

Anyway. That has nothing to do with the real reason I even started writing this post. It was just on my mind. How could it not be?

The real reason for this post is to tell you all that apparently you all think I am way more awesome that I ever thought I was. I would be careful if I was you, because that is all going to go to my head if you aren't careful.

Maggie over at Things I Love awarded me with the Stylish Blogger Award!

See!

That is two in one week, people!

The rules for this one are:
1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this blog!
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Award 15 other bloggers
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!

So here goes!

1) I am allergic to cats.
2) I am a hopeless romantic
3) I have a giant freckle half way between my belly button and my goods.
4) I am dating a gay guy. (He's SO gay.)
5) I have always been confident that if I ever meet Ellen DeGeneres, her and I would be best friends.
6) I once cursed profanities at a Taxi Driver in New York City because he ruined my Armani Exchange Shorts, and even got him to pay for them.
7) I have never once thought Johnny Depp was attractive.

And now the lucky winners! I am not going to award it to 15 people though. Only 5. I hope that is okay, Maggie! I think that if you give it to too many people, it isn't as special as it could be!

BW over at The Bitchy Waiter
Jason over at The Seafront Diaries
Lacey over at Tickets for Two
Becky over at 1000 Adventures
Konrad over at An Unapologetic MoHo

Five of my absolute favorite blogs :) Go check them out and follow them!

I Have Decided What To Be When I Grow Up

2011-01-07T01:22:00.002-07:00

Katie

It's a quarter to 1 in the morning, and I simply cannot sleep! Why, do you ask? Because I have had an exciting breakthrough epiphany come to me today! It seems silly, but I literally could not sleep without putting it up for all of you! I was seriously jittery! (Do you think I might be addicted to blogging? Sigh...but that just makes what I am about to say all the more perfect!)

Nate

So I was at work today and I was talking to my two favorite awesome receptionists, Katie and Vanessa, and we were talking about how our office would be the perfect setting for a sitcom, which led into us hating certain people at work. Then on a completely different subject, Nate walks in and says he has to leave early today because he HAS to go buy a new car because the government is making him (he and his wife are having a baby in a few weeks and so they have to have a car that can seat a child in the backseat) which led into all of us talking about car models and then Nate mentioned that he wanted a Hyundai Sonata which we all thought was fancy and we did our oos and awhs.

*Deep Breath Here (and yes, this is how my mind really works, all the time.)*

Mike

Vanessa

Which then made Mike think about how he loves the new Hyundai Genesis, and that would be a nice car and so we thought that we would go onto Hyundai's website and use their "build your own Hyundai Genesis" tool to check it out, which we did, and I picked a yellow one.

Then Katie told me that I should post a blog about our boss getting a haircut or something ridiculous like that, (by the way, our boss, Tanya, looked FANTASTIC in her new haircut!) which made me think, "that's a silly thing to post a blog about." That made me think about how I wanted Vanessa and Katie to do a guest post on my blog, and so I asked them, and they said only if it can be anonymous, and I said okay! Will you write one? And Vanessa said no. (That is a huge sigh, because Vanessa is F-U-N-N-Y!)

*Another Deep Breath. I am having a hard time finding time for these in this post for some weird reason*

Then Katie said this:

"Corey, have you ever thought about becoming a Journalist?"

And at first, that flew right in one ear and out the other. I replied, "um, ewww. Never."

But within three seconds I had already had my second thoughts.

"Well, actually..I dunno. You think I could?"

And the more I thought about it, the more it made complete sense to me. I do not know why I have never thought about it before, but it seriously makes the most sense to me. Yeah, I love acting and theater and performing, and it has always been my dream to make it to Broadway and stuff.

But think about it. Broadway is the best of the best. I will be the first to tell you that I am FAR from being anywhere near that list. (I am not being down on myself here, people. Just realistic.) For crying out loud, I am starting my first ever dance classes on Monday. I am not ready for Broadway right now.

And who says that I still can't do that? I can still rehearse and practice and improve, and reach my goal of being in a show on Broadway before I am 35. Pursuing a Major and career in Journalism is not going to stop me from accomplishing that goal. It can simply be a stepping stone to get me there! Think of all the chick flick movies set in New York City dealing with Journalists! How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, 27 Dresses, The Devil Wears Prada, etc. It just makes sense to me, more than anything else I have considered for a career.

And I LOVE to write! AND it still gives me a chance to get my name out there! I seriously am kind of appalled that it took me so long to even think about it! And the more I do, the more perfect it seems!

So I just HAD to share that with all of you! Thoughts?

If You Don't Turn Down Your Bloody High Beams, I WILL!

2011-01-06T14:52:00.003-07:00

WELL....I am sitting here at work, thinking about how much I hate my clients, because little miss "I'm-too-good-to-hold-to-my-appointment-with-Corey-today-so-I-am-just-going-to-stand-him-up" didn't answer the phone.

Well screw her, then. (Not really. That would be gross. I don't want to think about her cave of wonders. I don't want to think about any girl's cave of wonders, for that matter.) If she wants to pay 10 thousand dollars for me to help her and then not make our appointments, that is perfectly fine with me. I will just pocket that money. No worries.

I really don't know what to write about,so we will just see where this goes. I guess I will mention that at the time of writing this post, I am at 99 followers. I am going to just jump the gun a bit here and celebrate my 100 mark, even though I am not quite there yet. For those of you that have been in the blogging world for a while, you know that 100 followers is a mile stone to be celebrated. I have been looking forward to it for a while now, and I just am so excited to almost be there! If I were not underage, then I would probably drink to that. Or maybe not... But I would definitely at least think about drinking to it!

Moving on...

Oh holy idea! I know what I am going to blog about now...here it goes!

Dear ALL People Who Drive With Their High Beams On, ALL THE TIME:

Your stupidity + my road rage = your car being found in a junkyard soon. Let me break it down for you.

I more often than not am driving in the dark these days. The drive from my house to work, or vise versa, is a 15 or so minute drive. I live in the outlying areas of this city, and to get to my house I have to drive in an area that has no street lights, and is pretty much just surrounded by fields and nothingness. This, added to driving in the dark, means that people drive with their lights on. Since it's in the middle of nowhere, usually their high beams.) The road I drive on also has no curbs, is a narrow, two lane highway, and some of it has a cliff off to one side, where the river runs along it.

Now when you are out in barren nowhere land, you typically turn on your high beams, right? Right. Most people do. That is totally fine. I am an advocate of high beams. I usually love them.

I do not love them when they are being used by oncoming traffic in the area with the road that has no curbs, is a narrow, two lane highway, and some of it has a cliff off to one side, where the river runs along it, and YOU DO NOT TURN THEM OFF AS YOU COME TOWARD ME AND ME TOWARD YOU!!!

I should qualify this. There is a line that I draw when deciding if someone's lights are too bright as I drive past them. As someone approaches me, I pay attention to see if their lights start to impede my vision. Light are designed to illuminate the road in front of you, and NOT blind oncoming traffic. If I can see that I can no longer see the road in front of me from my own lights, because I am blinded by your lights, then your lights are too high! Turn them down as traffic comes toward you! Especially me!

Why especially for me? Because I have road rage, and I might decide to teach you a lesson! Because if you light impede my ability to drive safely, you have to pay the bill when I decide to purposefully drive my front end right into your front end and then tell the officer that your high beams where on, and I could not see the road, and I tried flashing my lights at you to tell you to turn yours down, and you didn't.

So believe me, I don't have a problem driving my front end right into your ass, just to prove my point and teach you a lesson. It's your insurance that is going to be paying for the damages. And maybe my funeral too. Good luck with that on your conscience.

So I would turn them down if I were you.

Thanks, asshole.

-Corey

Critiques Acclaim Corey Is "Irresistibly Sweet!"

2011-01-05T13:29:00.002-07:00

Wow...when I said in my new years post that I was coming back to blogging with a newfound dedication, I wasn't kidding! I am just going to town with the posts! Including guest posts! And I even got an award! And my followers exploded. I seriously got 20 in like two days. Crazy.

Oh, right, you wanna hear about my award? Well let me tell you. Kara, over at Visions Unto Myself, has awarded me what I like to call the "Corey is Bomb" award.

AKA The Irresistibly Sweet blog Award.

See:

The award has some rules though. I have to post 5 guilty pleasures, and pass the award out to three more bloggers! (This is going to be hard, because I have like ten blogs in mind that I want to give it to!)

The guilty pleasures, however, is going to be easy. Some of you may remember that when I was in Nashville, I posted a top ten guilty pleasures post.

But I promised Kara that I would come up with a different 5 for this one, because that was in May 2010. This is January 2011, and I am bound to have discovered some new little jewels of joy (the first time I wrote that out, I said jews. haha! jews of joy! whoops!).

So here goes:

#1) This blog. It is a blog that is updated regularly of pictures of some very handsome men! No nudes, which is nice. Just pure calendar worthy man candy pictures!

#2) Fame. I am an attention WHORE! I love the attention. I love people knowing who I am. I love seeing my face in the newspaper, or being on stage, or watching videos of me. I thrive on it.

#3) Roller Coaster Tycoon. Call me a middle schooler. Call me a child. Call me a nerd. Cause I am. I still play the game that I purchased in the 6th grade regularly. And I am damn good at it these days.

#4) Katy Perry. I did not think that I could love a girl as much as I love Mrs. Katy Perry. Ya know, Jason told me the other night that he would probably go straight for Angelina Jolie. I told him that there was nothing in this world that I would go straight for. I think I might have lied. Maybe, just maybe, I would go straight for Katy Perry.

#5) Will and Grace. I have recently started downloading all the seasons, and watching all the episodes again, beginning to end. Still as funny as ever. Grace seriously is my other half. I want to meet her. Not her actor. No. Just Grace.

So there they are. Laugh it up. Tell me I am a freak. Fine. Whatever. If you haven't figured that out by now anyway, then you are the real freak. But under no circumstances are you allowed to unfollow me. You made a commitment when you hit that button. Don't you dare try to back peddle now.

So here are the three blogs that I have selected as the deserved recipients of this fine award. Feel honored, because this really was SO hard for me to choose!

First, Challis at CHALLOSH. When I first started blogging, I was all about me. I didn't follow anyone else's blog. I just expected them to follow me and comment here. Challosh was my very first blog, outside of my friends, that I ever followed, and I have loved it ever since. Her sense of humor is very similar to mine, she just has a better way of putting it into writing. So click the link and go check her out. Make sure you tell her that I sent you, so that she knows that she owes me.

Second, Daniella at The Chronicles of a College Girl. She blogs about random stuff all the time, but I find myself jumping to her blog first every time I sign in to see if she has posted anything new, and THEN going and checking other people's blogs. She posts often, and always has something witty and funny to say. Plus, she is living my dream life in New York. Go follow her!

Lastly, Vanashke001 at Noobies VÜ. I know the real identity of this blogger, but he I think prefers to keep his real name a mystery in the cyber world. He really pushes the limits on his blog, and says the things that I think but am sometimes too scared to say! But I love him to pieces. He has not blogged in a really long time, but I know that if you go over there and give him some blog lovin, he will soon have a revival for us. He is witty, has no limits, and usually makes some really good points, and puts it all into a funny blog post. So go follow him!

Thanks for the award, Kara!

Post d'aujourd'hui presente par la langue de la France! (Today's Post Brought To You By The Language of France!)

2011-01-05T10:01:00.001-07:00

Okay, everyone! I have decided to exercise my rusty French today and do a post in French, in an effort to get some readers from France today. I will also translate it back into English at the bottom!

Bonne mercredi, tout le monde! J'espEee que votre semaine se passe bien jusqu'a present.

J'ai decide que dans un effort pour essayer d'obtenir des vues dela France d'aujourd'hui, je voulais essayer de faire un post enfrancais. Je m'excuse si c'est un peu rude, car il a ete longtemps que je n'ai pris aucune des cours de francais. Je pratique un peude temps a autre sur Facebook, et parfois il parle avec des amis, mais cela peut s'averer plus difficile que prevu. En fait, il est deja! Lol! Je m'excuse aussi que les accents ne sont pas ici, parce que mon ordinateur américain n'a pas tous les boutons accent!

Je veux juste prendre une minute pour vous remercier tous pour toujours prendre le temps de passer un peu de temps a lire mon blog. J'ai commence en tant que premiere annee d'universite desempares il ya quelques annees pour lancer un blog pour raconter mon histoire a l'universite. Je n'etais pas penser consciemment quand j'ai commence ce que je l'utiliser comme un outil pour devenir celebre ou quelque chose comme ca, mais inconsciemment, je savais que serait evidemment mon but. J'aime l'attention. Je ferai tout ce qu'il faut pour attirer l'attention. Pourquoi pensez-vous, je porte toujours des vetements clairs, et je suis toujours me colorer les cheveux, et l'affichage sur Facebook? Pour attirer l'attention. Doi!

Donc, je suis enthousiasme par le fait que j'ai presque atteint cent disciples! Il est fou de penser qu'il ya 100 personnes la-bas qui en fait trouve ce que j'avais a dire interessantes, et c'est seulement les gens qui sont ouvertement suivantes. Il ya toujours plus de suivre de facon anonyme, ou simplement vérifier de temps en temps. Mais tout de meme, je l'apprecie. Cela signifie beaucoup.

Merci a tous pour les commentaires et les paroles aimables, et le soutien que j'ai recu de vous tous que je suis alle a travers le voyage d'une durée de vie du dernier cours de l'annee derniere. Je suis sorti du placard en tant que gay a ma famille, suivi par le reste du monde peu de temps apres. Je me suis deplace a travers le pays tout seul, et puis revenir. Je datee, et, et de nombreuses nuits venu a la maison folle ou contrarie apres les dates. Je ouvertement renonce a mon eglise, et a decide de simplement aller sur la religion sur le plan personnel plutot que d'etre affilie a quiconque. J'ai eu un petit ami. Autant de grands changements, et avec elle, pour ceux d'entre vous qui m'ont suivi pendant une longue periode, je suis sur que vous avez vu des changements en moi, comme je les ai vus moi-meme.

Mais la meilleure partie est que je me sens comme si elles etaient toutes bonnes, et les bons changements. Je vous remercie d'etre toujours le vent derriere mon dos, plutot que de me cracher auvisage. (ouais, ca ne sonne pas bien en anglais ou en francais,mais elle est belle en espagnol!)

Quoi qu'il en soit, je me dis maintenant que j'ai tape tout cela, jeferais mieux de lire a travers elle et le traduire en anglais pour quemes disciples peuvent aussi les consulter regulierement. Je posterai la version anglaise ci-dessous.

Je vous souhaite a tous une bonne journee!

-Corey

ENGLISH TRANSLATION!

Happy Wednesday, everyone! I hope that your week is going well so far.

I have decided that in an effort to try to get some views from France today, I wanted to try to do a post in French. I apologize if this is a little rough, because it has been a long time since I have taken any French classes. I practice it a little bit from time to time on Facebook, and occasionally speak it with friends, but this may prove to be harder than I anticipated. In fact, it already is! Lol! I also apologize that the accents are not in here, because my American computer does not have all the accent buttons!

I just want to take a minute to thank all of you for always taking the time to spend a few minutes reading my blog. I started out as just a clueless college freshman a couple years ago, starting a blog in order to tell my story at college. I wasn't consciously thinking when I started this that I would use it as a tool to get famous or anything like that, but subconsciously, I obviously knew that was going to become my goal. I am an attention whore. I will do whatever it takes to get the attention. Why do you think that I always wear bright clothing, and am constantly coloring my hair, and posting on Facebook? In order to get attention. Doi!

So I am excited about the fact that I have almost reach one hundred followers! It's crazy to think that there are 100 people out there who actually found what I had to say interesting, and that's just the people that are openly following. There are always more that follow anonymously, or just check back once in a while. But all the same, I appreciate it. It means a lot.

Thanks for all the comments and kind words, and the support that I have received from you all as I have gone through the journey of a lifetime the last over the last year. I came out of the closet as gay to my family, followed by the rest of the world shortly after. I moved across the country all by myself, and then back again. I dated, and, and many nights came home mad or upset after the dates. I openly renounced my church, and decided to just go about religion on a personal level rather than be affiliated with anyone. I got a boyfriend. So many big changes, and with it, for those of you that have followed me for a long time, I am sure that you have seen changes in me, just as I have seen them in myself.

But the best part is that I feel like they were all good, and right changes. So thanks for always being the wind behind my back, rather than the spit in my face. (yeah, that doesn't sound good in English or in French, but it is gorgeous in Spanish!)

Anyway, I figure now that I have this all typed up, I had better read through it and translate it back to English so that my regular followers can read it too. I will post the English version below.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

-Corey

Guest Post!

2011-01-04T13:12:00.001-07:00

I am so excited, because Penny Lane has been wonderful enough to allow me to do a guest post on her blog! So I want everyone to go check it out and let me know what you all think! You can do so by clicking HERE!

Dreams

2011-01-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have had any worthwhile dreams. Ever since the car accident a year and a half ago (which I have yet to blog about, I know. Sorry. I will do a post about that soon), my dreams have changed quite a bit. Before the accident, it had been years since I had had a nightmare. After the accident, I was having them all the time. The first week after the accident, I had multiple nightmares a night. Some about the accident, others about random things like my grandparent's house filling with carbon monoxide and them dying, or floods washing away our houses, or giant octopuses hiding under kitchen tables (seriously.)

In the year and a half since the accident, I don't have them every night anymore, but still very often. Probably about two or three times e a week at the least; far more often than never having them before the accident. I would have my nightmares, and my boring whatever dreams. I guess it makes sense that I would have them. It was a very emotional and frighting experience. There is bound to be some trauma.

But you know what I have noticed over the last few weeks? I haven't had a single nightmare. They have all been replaced by compelling and exciting dreams! I know that people are going to roll their eyes at me and write me off as crazy or over zealous or stupid, but this is honestly what I have noticed; I still have my boring whatever dreams as often as before, but now, whenever I would probably have a nightmare, it has been replaced by a dream of Jason. I have not had a single nightmare since my first date with him.

I know...there go half of your eyes rolling. Mike is probably one of them, and he is thinking, oh my god, seriously? But it's true. I promised myself I was not going to censor myself on this blog, and that includes the mushy lovey dovey stuff. haha

Last night, for example, I had a dream that Jason and I were in Salt Lake City, and I was showing him around the downtown area. We were on the light rail trail, and we rode it past important SLC spots, like the Olympic Stadium, or other 2002 Olympic Venues, or past temple square or the downtown library. When we got to the library station, we got off the train and walked around Library Square. We were standing by the old library building (that is now a science center) and there were these little courtyard ares with benches around them that surrounded the outside of the old library. Jason asked what they were, and I told him that this was the old library, and these were were you could come out and read in the gardens. Then I told him that when they built the new library, they built the gardens up on the roof of the library, and then I rushed him up the stairs and to the roof to see the gardens and the view of the entire city from the roof.

I guess it's really not all that mushy or anything, but it's just such a nice break from nightmares. And I just love in general that I get to dream about Jason too, not just see him during the day.

SLC Library

But the really cool thing about this dream was that it was not like other dreams where you are in a place that feel familiar, but in your dream it looks nothing like the real place. Do you know what I mean? This dream felt AND looked just like the real place. I took him on the real light rail line. I took him to real SLC buildings. We were at the real Library Square, and they really did build the gardens on the roof, and I really did take him up the real stairs to see the real view of the city. It was all the same is it would have been in real life. It's so so strange. I have never had a dream that was so...realistic? Never. But every dream that Jason has been in has been a realistic one. I don't know what to make of it.

Anyway, that was just something on my mind when I woke up this morning. I am sitting here, waiting around for 11AM to roll around, at which time I will go get ready for work. Until then, I am hovering over blogger, waiting for Penny Lane to publish my guest post! I am so excited! So when she does, I will be back on to tell you guys to go over to her blog and check out my guest post! Until then, hope you all have a good day, and i would love to hear your comments about my weird dream patterns!

I HATE SNOW! (I think I May Have Used This Title Once Before, But I Am Using It Again, And Adding This Long Blurb At The End To Make It Different. Problem Solved.)

2011-01-03T09:25:00.001-07:00

Just so you all are fully aware; I HATE SNOW! I live in St. George, Utah for a reason. It works like this:

It is the warmest, furthest south place that I can live and still pay resident tuition for college.

See?

And all those stories about how it never snows in St. George and its warm all year long!? Folklore. Freaking folklore.

Because when I woke up this morning to this, I crapped my underwear. And I am pretty pissed about that too, because it just so happened to work out that I wore my whitie-tighties to bed last night. Ever tried getting a forever poopie out of your whitie-tighties? Not easy. In fact, damn near impossible.

Here is what winter looked like back home in Salt Lake this year (December 2010). This is why I don't live there:

December 2010 Blizzard Timelapse from Michael Black on Vimeo.

And this is what I woke up to this morning.

Poor Palm Tree.

Poor Rex. Jr.

And this is what my underwear looked like.

Ew.

Welcome to Utah Winters.

(for those of you at home throwing up, I should probably note that that is not a real poop stain. I drew that in there.)

First Post Of 2011

2011-01-02T10:42:00.002-07:00

Wow...2011. That is so crazy. I turn 20 this year. Two decades of living. It has felt like forever, so I sure hope that the next 20 years and then the next 20 years after that, and then again after that, feels like forever too, cause I am not looking forward to dying.

Just sayin...

Anywahoo, moving on. So December is over, and I am coming back to blogging with a newfound dedication to it. I will blame part of my lack of blogging or following people's blogs on Christmas and the Holidays. I will blame the other half on Jason walking into my life, and giving me something to smother. Poor boy, I sure have smothered him. I hope he doesn't realize it. But he will now from reading this, which is okay because then he will just forgive me. That's the goal, anyway.

So New Years was a riot. 5 parties. Let the story begin:

So we started off by going to "Coffee Friday," a weekly occurring for Jason and his closest friends. We had planned to meet up at Perks Coffee on Sunset Blvd, but it was closed, so we migrated over to the Bean Scene; also closed.

So we landed at Starbucks. Cliche, but it was open. I was so-so about this party. I hate coffee. I hate the smell of coffee. Mike and the crew always meet up on Sundays at Mojo or Perks or Starbucks or something, and chit chat it up with each other over coffee. I never go, because I hate coffee. Now, I am feeling the heat to go today because I went with Jason the other night, and made the mistake of checking in there with him on Facebook, so now the whole crew knows that I went. Whoops. I guess it wasn't so bad. But I went because Jason wanted to go, and I was invited, and ya know how that always goes...peer pressure, yadda yadda. But, I will admit that it was fun, and I didn't die from the smell of coffee, and I almost gave coffee another shot and almost bought something. But I didn't get that crazy.

After that we headed over to the First Night celebrations in the city center. It was okay...not too much going on. We met up with some more of Jason's friends (I haven't lived here that long...so I don't know many people here, and the ones that I do are all back in Salt Lake for the holiday anyway.) and chatted it up with them around a barrel fire for a little while. We also got to enjoy watching a drunk lady move the barricades that were closing the street that the festivities were happening on. That was hilarious. I didn't realize that there are really people out there that are THAT stupid. Like, I knew that the first rule of people is that people are stupid...but wow. This lady set a new precedent.

She parked her car in the middle of the intersection, got out, moved the barricades, got back in her car, drive through, parked, put the barricades back, and then kept driving down the street covered in street vendors, people, and all sorts of game shacks and a stage with a live band performing. WTF? She was then stopped by city officials, and after arguing with them for about five minutes was told to turn around and leave. So she turned around in the pedestrian filled street, drove back past us and our barrel(that was in the center median of the street) and moved her barricades again and pulled out. Wow. Just....wow.

Then we headed to another of Jason's friends parties. Regina lives in the middle of the Entrada Golf Course. For those of you that don't know, The Entrada is where High School Musical was filmed. Regina is rich. And she is a freaking riot. I love her to death! So funny, and for those of you who know Cindy Stephens, that is basically Regina. We watch a little bit of Jersey Shore, laughed at Snookie getting drunk off her rocker at a party, and The Situation getting shot down. Then we turned of all the lights in the whole house and danced with glow sticks to Katy Perry's "Firework." Good times.

After that it was off to Krysta Klumpp's new year celebration! Jason and I were very under dressed for that one, but it was good to see them all again. I haven't seen any of them since the shows at Tuacahn ended, and Krysta was moving to Idaho for college the next day, so I had to be sure to stop by and say hello. But that was about all that we stayed for, and we were off to the main event of the night; Kim and Larry's party.

Kim and Larry are basically the most popular old gay couple in Utah. Everyone knows them, and everyone loves them. Kim and Larry throw the biggest parties around, and have them often. So. Much. Fun.

I am not usually one to enjoy big parties like that. I think being raised as a Mormon, I was always very closed minded to the idea of a party not only filled with gay people and gay supporters, but where alcohol was so prevalent and easy to get my hands on. Before moving to St. George, I never had been to such a party, so when I went to Kim and Larry's 4th of July party, I was very weary to really enjoy myself. I felt out of my comfort zone and awkward.

Well, thank God for second chances, because this party was seriously the most fun that I have had in forever! Thank goodness I went with Jason, or I probably would not have forced myself to let lose and have some fun while I was there. But, I did, and boy did I enjoy myself. I did not have any alcohol, nor did I even really want any. Kim and Larry were pretty good about making sure that nobody that was underage was drinking anyway. Jason and I just danced all night, and met all sorts of new people!

The fireworks were great! I was surprised yet again by the quality of little ol' St. George's fireworks. Not bad, St. George, not bad. The show started about two minutes before the New Year rang in, and so a countdown from ten started part way into the show. Everyone rang out "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" And there were lots of cheers and hoorays! Then, 30 seconds later, we did it again since there were about thirty thousand phones at that party, and each one had a different time on them. We watched as others all around us got drunk off their rockers, and start making out with the closest person to them. We laughed are rears off watching people trip over their own feet after drinking entire bottles of Vodka to themselves, and laughed even harder when Trevor Hunt started yelling at us for laughing at him because he was drunk and couldn't even talk straight! Overall, super party. We didn't leave till almost 3AM. So much fun, and cannot wait for Kim and Larry's Burlesque party in February!

Anyway, I hope you all had a happy new year! I was thinking about making a New Years Resolutions list and posting it on here, but here is my problem with that; then I have to try to follow through. And I am lazy. So I will pass. I will just let 2011 be what it turns out to be. :)

It's A Salt Lake City Christmas

2010-12-27T09:58:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone! I first of all have to apologize to all of you that I have not been on to blog in almost a week! I also have not checked all of your blogs in almost a week! I cannot promise that I will catch up completely, but I will at least try to.

Now that that is off my chest, CHRISTMAS! Holy cow! It was everything I hoped it would be! I simply love Christmas! Every Christmas of my entire life has been spent in Salt Lake with my family. We make the rounds and go to all the grandparents houses, eat multiple times at each grandparents house, and really get in a lot of family time.

Seeing as I rarely make it to Salt Lake anymore, it made this Christmas even more enjoyable. Thursday night, I drove down to Las Vegas and boarded a flight into Salt Lake International. I was running behind schedule and was worried I might miss the flight, but fortunately for me, my flight was delayed due to mechanical problems, so I made it without much problem. I checked my suitcase, and began my trek to the gate (McCarran International is huge.)

When I finally boarded, I got to sit next to a very nice, and very large Polynesian man, and an equally nice and chatty Indian man. Polynesia was heading to SLC to be with his family for Christmas, while India was on his way to Boston via SLC. Somehow or another, India got it into his head that I too was heading to Boston, and that I was an engineering student an UNLV. I just nodded and agreed to everything he said, with an occasional, "really..," or, "wow, that's crazy." Eventually he shut up once the plane lifted off.

Don't get me wrong, I love chatting it up with people and meeting new people and being social. I do not, however, enjoy trying to translate everything that he is saying in my mind, and make some sort of intelligible answer back.

The flight was short. We reached 10,000 feet and after about five minutes at that altitude, the PA came on, informing us that we had begun our decent into Salt Lake and to please turn off all electronic devices and fasten our seat belts. I do not remember the flight from Vegas to Salt Lake being that short the last time I flew it. When we landed in Salt Lake, to my absolute delight and surprise, there was no snow on the ground (that did not last long at all though. I think I jinxed it.), and my parents were waiting for me at the other side of the security gates.

I got to have lunch with (Chick-fil-a!) and go shopping with Allyson on Christmas Eve. I bought Jason his Christmas present, which I am SO excited about because it is exactly what he wanted! Unfortunately, however, it was ultimately decided that I needed to return it, because I would not be able to get it on the flight without checking it. So I did, and I will go to get it back again at the store when I get back to St. George tonight.

Christmas was simply magical. I didn't ask for much, so hence I didn't get much, but that's not what matters anyway. My favorite part was watching my little brother open his presents, and get so excited about the toys, and like any kid, toss the clothes to the side.

I also loved watching each of my family open their presents from me. I got each of them a hoodie from Abercrombie and Fitch. Ashley's was first, and she LOVED it! I was a little worried that she wouldn't like the color green I got her, but alas, she did, and she has not stopped wearing it since. Same for Linsey. I got her an orange one, because that is her favorite color (her and I have that in common....in fact, it's the only thing, other than our parents, that we have in common!) I got Jazz a pink one, and my dad a dark navy blue one. His was the one that I was worried about most, because my dad is not the type to wear anything from name stores, especially Abercrombie. But alas, he did and put it on right away and wore it for the rest of the day.

Then, last night, we drove downtown and walked around Salt Lake City and saw all the lights around the city. I am sorry, but Salt Lake City is arguably the most beautiful city in the country at Christmas time. I absolutely love going to Temple Square and seeing all the lights. Millions of them on every tree all over downtown. Absolutely gorgeous, Mormon or not.

And the air in Salt Lake has not been as bad as it usually is. I have not had many breathing problems this time around, which I am very grateful for because guess who left their inhalers in St. George? Me. And I know this is going to sound super mushy gooshy, but I miss Jason. I am ready to go home to St. George to see him!

So I fly out of Salt Lake in about four hours, and in less than five hours, I will be in Vegas (the time change between Utah and Nevada technically makes the flight a total of 20 minutes long!) Mike went to Atlanta to see his brother for Christmas, and his flight arrives about a half hour before mine does. Jared is going to pick the both of us up, and he is bringing Jason too! So lucky for me, my boyfriend will be waiting for me on the other side of security when I get to Vegas! Then we are off to P.F. Changs for dinner before driving back to St. George.

Overall, it has been an absolutely wonderful Christmas! I am looking forward to the new year, and I hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas as well! Tell me about it in the comments below! Love you all!

Flood!

2010-12-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

2005 Flood

So the last few days have been really insane here in St. George, Utah. We have been having record breaking rains for going on 9 days now, and with record breaking rainfall, come record breaking river levels...

2005 Flood

Five years ago, St. George head some absolutely insane flooding! River levels reached an all time high, breaching it's banks and washing many roads, bridges, golf courses, and even houses downstream. It was absolute chaos. I did not live in St. George at the time, but I remember watching it on the news in Salt Lake City, and watching live as the houses fell into the river. It was so scary to watch.

And if it was scary for me to watch on the news five years ago, can you imagine how scary it must be for me to watch it all happen again right in front of my eyes?

Absolutely horrifying (yet oddly exciting, as well!) I have discovered that I am kind of a savage in the sense that I experience vicarious enjoyment of natural disasters. I am not a sadist. I am not a fan of "doomsday." I jut find myself fascinated by disasters. Kind of like how people rubberneck at the scene of an accident, or at a crime scene to a degree. It captures their attention and interest. Do you see what I mean? So although I was terrified that the river might take out more bridges and wash houses off their foundations, I kind of wanted to see it happen. (I talked to Jason about this too, and he is the same way.)

Anywho, so we have had non-stop, record rainfall the last week and a half. The river levels continued to rise, but it seemed that nobody was that worried about flooding. Back in 2005, the floods were referred to as the "flood of 100 years!" So it seemed unlikely that this rainfall could produce anything comparable. After the 2005 floods, significant upgrades were made to bridges and embankments. They were reinforced, rebuilt, and the riverbeds were widened and deepened in an effort to not only slow the force and rage of the river, but also increase its capacity. So people felt more comfortable with it and didn't worry much about it.

Until their basements started to flood, and the bridge at Gunlock was compromised.

Then everyone started paying attention, and realized that this was going to be bad. The water levels had already began to reach the level of 2005. After the improvements, that was okay, and completely manageable. But if they continued to rise, everyone knew that we would be having some more problems. And it was still raining.

And the water levels continued to rise.

The road that Mike and I take on the way into work passes runs right along the Santa Clara River, and so there is a really good view of the river from the road.When Mike left for work at 7:30 Tuesday morning, the river level was about two feet below the bottom of the bridges crossing it.Two hours later when I headed into the city for work, the water level had reached the level of the bridge, and was beginning to flow over the top of the bridge. The water level had risen two feet in a matter of two hours. I pulled over and took this picture.(click on any of the pictures to make them larger.)

I went to work, and for my lunch break decided to drive around with my coworker, Andrea, to see the damage around town, because in the three hours between the time I got to work and my lunch break, the mayor of both St. George City and Washington County had declared a state of emergency, and started closing bridges, and issuing evacuation notices.

This is what we saw:

They had begun excavating debris from the river bed in front of the bridge, so that it didn't build up and undermine the bridge. The thing that Andrea and I found to be absolutely asinine was that they were dumping it on the other side of the bridge, BACK INTO THE RIVER!!! THERE ARE OTHER BRIDGES DOWNSTREAM THAT ARE DOING THE SAME THING!!! Why are they just sending it down to the other bridges, instead of setting it on the embankment or something?

That thing right in the middle in the river? Yeah, that is a bridge. It collapsed and started floating downstream. Fortunately, they were able to anchor it down, so that it didn't knock other bridges out downstream.

Insane. I know that it's not that large or a river, but that river usually looks like a gutter. There is usually only a trickle of water flowing down it. This is absolutely incredible and out of the ordinary for Utah rivers.

No new damage yet, but all of a sudden the news began reporting that the Governor had issue pre-evacuation orders to entire cities along the rivers, because three dams in the area were in danger of failing, or flowing over the top of the dam. If even one of those dams failed, it could have triggered the failure of others downstream, and cause absolutely catastrophic damage to dozens of cities downstream. Some mayor's chose to begin to evacuate their cities, while others issued voluntary evacuations.

Fortunately, the Quail Creek Dam has recently been reinforced, and so it was declared safe and managing the water fine. But several miles upstream, the Trees Ranch Dam, (an earthen dam) was already beginning to leak and fail. If it went, then it would have ensured the failure of the Quail Creek Dam, and between the two, would have devastated more than half of the City of St. George.

But so far, it has held! Thank God!

The Gunlock Dam, however, filled to capacity and then began to run over the top, sending even more water down the already full Santa Clara river. Fortunately, it is still holding, and has not eroded away to failing yet.

And I say yet, because the worst is not over yet. Overnight, the rivers subsided a little bit, but it is still raining, and will still be raining for a couple more days. It is predicted that the rivers will peak again tonight, and that there is still a chance that the dams could possibly fail.

So, so far, no major damage to report in the St. George area. hopefully it stays that way. Unfortunately, however, a little further downstream in Littlefield, Arizona, the river claimed four houses, and injured one person. Let's hope that that is the worst of the damage, and that the dams hold, or else we are all in trouble.

Dear UVU Follower-

2010-12-19T14:40:00.001-07:00

Dear UVU Follower-

Today I received the following message from a very good friend of both of ours on Facebook. I will not say her name, but we will refer to her as KWB, as those are the initials of the three names that she uses on Facebook. The message said the following;

"Corey-

First off, I'd like to say that your profile pic looks handsome :) Very nice. But my main point was to tell you of the good you've done in the world! One of my very very close guy friends is gay. Not everyone knows, but he told me and he was super worried and afraid of what people would think. BUT THEN he found your blog. It really helps him to know that he's fine. He feels less ashamed (not that it's anything to be ashamed about, but you know how it is) knowing that he can relate to you, even if he doesn't know you. You helped him feel good about himself, and to be okay with who he is. Thank you. You inspire us :) Thanks from me, and from my bestie.

-KWB"

I was overjoyed to get this message from KWB for several reasons. First of all, I simply love that girl, and have not talked to her in ages. Second, I always love to hear that people are reading my blog. This time, she was informing me that not only she reads my blog, but you do too! That's two people in one message! Score.

But the biggest reason was that it made me aware of the fact that what I am trying to do here is actually working. I have posted many posts about my sexuality. I have often times made clear my opinion on gay rights, homosexuality in general, and homosexuality when it comes to the LDS church. I have done this for a couple of reasons. One, I needed a place for me to write out things in my head, and for other people to read them and try to get a glimpse into my thoughts.

The second reason is to try to help others who are living in similar situations to mine. Thats where you come in. I do not know you. We have never met, and I have no clue how you found my blog, but I am SO glad that you did. KWB mentioned that you and her were talking one day and you mentioned my post about my conversation with God (which, by the way, was apparently a highly controversial post. There were a few people upset at me for that one) and KWB said, "Hey! I know Corey!" What a small world, eh?

This picture has nothing to do with this post. I just
thought it was kind of cool. I am a sucker for an
animated talking ice cream cone picture.

I am glad that you were able to feel comfortable enough to come out to and talk to KWB. She is a wonderful women. I am also glad to hear that you are starting to become much more comfortable with who you are, even if it is a slow process. Being gay and coming out is hard anywhere, but being gay, and coming out in Utah is in a lot of way so much harder, at least in my opinion. (KWB wasn't quite clear in this, but are you LDS as well?) Add to that being LDS, and coming out, or dealing with whether or not to come out right before your mission is seriously quite the burden. Believe me, I know how hard that can be.

Utah is a culture of expectations, social norms, and ignorance when it comes to such an issue. BUT, just don't feel like you are alone. You are going to have questions. You are going to have concerns and doubts and fears. You are going to be confused and you are going to cry and it is going to be tough. But I am here to let you know that it's worth it. There was a time that I thought that I could never live the life that I currently live; openly gay, with supportive parents and a supportive extended family, and hundreds of supportive straight and gay friends, some Mormon, others not. I never thought that I would be able to openly date another guy, and be comfortable holding his hand in the grocery store, and not have to hide that portion of my life from people in my life, yet, here I am, doing exactly that and living that life. And guess what? I am completely content, happy, and I know where my life is heading.

We live in an exciting time! There are so many things in this world that are sooo much better than they used to be! People are many times more accepting than they used to be! We are closer and closer to equality, and people are more and more open minded and less and less intolerant. DADT was just repealed yesterday! That alone is history making! Marriage between couples of the same sex is once again legalized in California, AS CONSTITUTIONAL! You know the saying, as California goes, so goes the nation? Well, I am a strong believer that this is going to be just another thing that as California goes, so will go the nation!

I also had it pointed out to me the other day that you have a whole history of great and influential people behind you who were gay too! Being gay does not make you wrong, or less than others, or less able to accomplish your dreams and your goals and your desires! being gay is not who you are! It is simply a part of you! Look at Leonardo Di Vinci, Liberace, Alexander the Great, Socrates, Aristotle, and some even argue Abraham Lincoln! All of them played huge roles in society and our modern way of life, and the sexuality of any of them was never an issue! So you have a whole history of people that are coming before! You don;t have to blaze the trail and do this alone and feel like nobody understands! They do!

Anyway, Mr. UVU, I know this is incredibly random, and I dare say I hope it's not an intrusion, but I just couldn't not write to you. I am proud of you, you're awesome, and I am here for you. Apparently you have followed my blog for a while now, but have never to my knowledge commented or anything like that letting me know that you are out there! Google Analytics can only do me so much! ;) But, know that I am here for you, as are many others. Send me a message, and I can help you get in touch with several people right there in the Provo/Orem area alone that you can talk to if you ever need to! And of course, you can also always talk to me. I would be delighted to hear from you! Add me on Facebook! There is a button up on the top right of this page that if you click on it, it will take you right to my Facebook page! Add me! That's why the button is there. I am a friend, and I will do whatever I can to help! And of course, anything you say to me will be kept between you and me!

So anyway, I don't know where you are at in your coming out process, but I would love to hear more from you! I was delighted to get that message today from KWB, and I am equally delighted to hear that you,, someone I have never met before, has been comforted and helped by my random musical lifestyle. I'm proud of you, you are awesome, and you are not alone. Hope to be hearing from you soon!

-Corey

Darth-Bella

2010-12-17T17:46:00.002-07:00

Many of you know that two of my best friends in the whole world are named Bella(not really, but for "I want to keep my job" reasons, I have changed their names to Bella.) (But I really don't care that much, because you can very very easily find out the real name.)

Darth Christensen

There is Bella Christensen, my short, cupcake making confidante and tuna melt with tomato soup eating partner, who blogs here.

Then there is master of the stand up Bass, bed sharing, laugh inducing funny girl Bella VanSleeuwen, who's last name I still have to look up to be able to spell. (Just being honest, love.) She blogs here.

Fortunately neither of them sound like Darth Vader when they breath.

Darth VanSleeuwen

But unfortunately for me, there is a Bella-Vader at the office. I would take a picture of her and put a Vader mask on her face, but I won't for two reasons.
1.) She might find this and then kill me.
2.) Your eyes will start to bleed.

Now, I have to be fair and say that I love one thing about Bella-Vader. That one thing is that we have joined forces together in hating Johnny the Closet Case. Once upon a late night at work, I was talking to my coworkers about my upcoming Halloween costume. I was going to be Marilyn Monroe, and wear the dress and the makeup and the heels and the whole package. Mr. Johnny Closet Case walked up, and pipped in his "Oh Corey, Why do you have to wait till Halloween to cross dress? You're gay."

Hold the phone...Stop. Rewind. WHAT?

And Bella Vader chimed in, "Whoa Johnny, really? That could not have been anymore stereotypical and offensive," to which he immediately began to back paddle and say that he was kidding and he thought that I would look great as Marilyn.

But Vader turned to me and whispered, "How hard of a time do you want me to give him?"

"Go to town," I said, giving her the permission she apparently felt was necessary to rip him a new one about sexual harassment, getting him fired, and being a homophobe. I, all the while, was doubling over laughing till I couldn't breath at my desk. Johnny then called out, "Don't worry, Corey. You'll grow out of it."

Again I say WHAT? And to myself I thought, how would you know? Are you speaking from experience? And thus was born the nickname Johnny the Closet Case.

And that is the only reason that I like Bella-Vader.

I DO NOT like, however, how I have to listen to wheezer as she attempts to teach her clients how to use Google Analytics, even thought they can't hear her anyway over her lungs that sound like they are in the back of her throat. For crying out loud, I am pretty sure that a person wouldn't know if she was sleeping or awake if it weren't for her eyes being open, and her mouth that is ALWAYS spewing out some ridiculous comment that is meant to be funny but is really just offensive in the extreme. Seriously, I would be willing to pay for her to get a nose job if it meant that her nasal passages would be wide enough for me to never have to hear her wheezing again. (Stop, imagine it in your mind... Darth Vader's breathing, mixed with a fat fat fatty's body, and the high pitched voice of a female elf from the north pole......it's disgusting.)

I also think it might be worth noting that I do not like to hear about how she is a sex god, and could, from the sounds of her comments, probably win a prostate massage competition if given a chance. I am pretty sure that nothing on this plant would want to have sex with that. I also am pretty sure that if we offered her up as a sacrifice to the Pagan Gods, they would probably reject her. I'm not kidding. I am pretty sure that she IS the old lady who swallowed a fly. Perhaps she'll die?

This sounds like a case for Uncle Vinnie and the Fellas.

Corey Wilkey - Now by Scott Alan

2010-12-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. So in my last post, I mentioned that I had found a song that I wanted to record myself singing. Here it is. It's called Now, by Scott Alan. I love Scott Alan's stuff. If you remember a while back I posted a video of a song called Kiss The Air? He wrote that one too.

Anyway, this is totally mediocre. It's A'Capella, and I am just in my room. It's morning, and I haven't warmed up my voice or anything. And I am far from professional. I know that. But I guess I just wanted to share this. I am going to be working on it a little bit with my voice teacher coming up here in the next couple weeks, so I am sure it will improve. And I will have music to sing with, ha.

So here goes nothing! Now, by Scott Alan.

Happy Happy Happy

2010-12-17T02:06:00.001-07:00

Well everyone, it has been an interesting last few days. I have held off on updating too much, because I have been thinking. A lot.

First of all, about Skyler. He is great. He is super nice. He is probably reading this. He seriously is a fantastic guy. But he lives far away.

That's problem number one.

Problem number two; I really am not sure how much I like him other than a friend. Like I said before, he is nice, funny, VERY smart, attractive, easy to talk to and hang out with. But there just isn't much of a spark with him. I feel terrible. I feel like I led him on, and let it get a bit out of hand to the point where I now run the risk of hurting his feelings. Thankfully when I talked to him yesterday, he seemed to take it pretty well. But then again, I haven't heard from him at all since, so I just don't know. I hope he is okay. he is a great time and I didn't want to hurt him. But I just couldn't let it keep going if I didn't see it turning into a lasting long term relationship.

On the other hand completely, there is Jason. Jason and I have known of each other for a long time. We have talked on a few occasions, and always have been able to get along well and carry on good conversations.

Monday night, Bethany invited me to go to see her Orchestra Concert that she was playing in. I was overjoyed and so excited to go, because I wanted to see Bethany, and because I haven't been to an orchestra concert in a really long time. The problem is that I was not familiar with where to go, and I hate being alone. Especially at a function like that. So I decided to text Jason (Bethany's best friend in the world) and see if he was planning on going to her concert. Lucky for me, he was, so I asked him if he wanted to go together since I hated being alone, to which he replied "well I guess you aren't going alone anymore!"

(P.S. i should mention to Mike, who is probably reading this because I know he loves me. (Thanks Mike.) That I am sorry that I kinda didn't tell you the full truth. I told you that I was going to the concert, but conveniently left the part out about going with Jason. Not sure why, probably because I didn't want you thinking less of me because the Skyler situation hadn't been resolved...anywho...)

So Jason and I went to the concert. And after we went to Cafe Rio for dinner. And then the next day he invited me to go to PFLAG with him (Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays), something that is very important to him, and I agreed. (It was a freaking ball!) Afterwards, we were driving around for a while and he wanted to swing by his aunts house. So we did, and I got to meet her! She is a wonderful women, and so loving and nice! She invited us to go to watch her sword fight at the park the next night, and so we did. That was freaking awesome too! Jason and I even tried doing it! They taught us how, and got us all decked out in armor with weapons, and Jason and I sparred each other. He won each time, because I let him.

And now tonight, I got to watch Modern Family with him and make dinner. Together, we are good cooks. We just made spaghetti, but as some of you know, I HATE cooking. Correction, actually, I love cooking. I just don't have the patience to cook. I want my food now.

But cooking with Jason changed that. I wanted to cook. I wanted to wait. I was enjoying myself, cooking with him. Plus, he loves Modern Family. Brownie Points for him.

Last major thing to note, that I am really excited about, and again have yet to tell Mike(mostly cause all of a sudden I kind of worry what Mike will think...), but Jason and I talked about it, and we are now officially dating. I have dated a few guys in the past, but I think this can possibly counted as the first "real" relationship of any kind. We are taking it slow still. We both realize how fast it kind of happened, but we are excited for any future prospects. Jason is great. And I think I am going to have him come onto my blog and do a guest post sooner or later, as he is a blogger too.

Long story short, there are sparks with Jason that are sparks that I have never had before. Mind you, I have had sparks with people before. But there is like a new level of sparks with Jason. It's exhilarating and exciting and nerve-racking in a way that is completely new to me, and I can only hope that he feels the same. From our conversations with each other, I think so. I hope so. Time will tell. But while time is trying to tell, I am going to get to know as much as I can about this boy!

And I had something else that I wanted to tell you all, but I forgot.

Oh, and I have a song that I think I am going to record myself singing in the morning and then post. But until then, I am going to sleep. I am starting to drool on my computer.

Good night!

This Post Has Nothing To Do With Shoes

2010-12-15T10:48:00.002-07:00

I'm serious. I am not even going to talk about shoes at all.

This last couple days has been...crazy! So busy, yet so ridiculously fun. I have met some new people, all of which I absolutely adore. I went to an Orchestra Concert for the first time in a long time, and got to see Bethany play! I got to sing the Hallelujah Chorus, which is a personal favorite Christmas Occasion of mine. I was sick on Monday though, and so I called into work sick (which later ended up just biting me in the ass. I am really mad about it, so don't get me started.) I also got to go to my first ever PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays) meeting, and met a bunch of really nice and a lot of fun people...(pause for a second...I think there was just an earthquake here at my house.)

Anywho...I am not sure if that was an earthquake or not, but I plan on checking the USGS website later today.

And I had a headache all night. But it's all good! No worries, because drugs came to the rescue.

And now, if I don't go get in the shower, I am going to be late for work.

So have a fantastic day, and enjoy visualizing me in the shower...soaping up my body and getting all watered down. (winks!)

Love you all!

Las Vegas Trip

2010-12-14T00:46:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Thanks for braving the visit back to my blog after my horrendous droopy face first attempt. Not sure what you're all on, but keep shootin' it!

Also, an apology in advance for this one being a little bit longer than the last one. I don't plan on making them this long. I will get better at not blabbing and actually getting to the point. Just bear with me.

I'm not stupid. It's just midnight.

And we had fun. :) Here is a little vlog and some pictures to tell you all about it. Love you all! I am off to bed now!

Haha! Proud moments for both of us! The sun was in our eyes. Skyler Brilliantly proposed AFTER I took

the picture that we shoot it from the other side...we never did. And see the window/glass that he is

reflected in? Yeah, there are people sitting on the other side of that. And I picked a zit looking at it.

And I did my hair in it.

And I checked my teeth in it.

And guess what? The people on the other side could see it all. But we couldn't see them.

FML

These were some really cool fountain things in the new City Center mall on the strip! We spent like ten minutes playing here! Haha and then we went to the Versace, Prada and Louis Viutton stores next door. 200 dollars for a freaking keychain at the worlds largest Prada store, people! $200!

Does anyone else thinks he looks kind of evil in this? Haha

That's better! :)

Then we went to the M&M and Coca-Cola stores on the strip too! So much fun! In one of the pictures, the Coca-cola bear bites Skyler's head. I am kinda jealous, cause I wish he had bitten my head. I imagine it would have felt really good. Kind of like a massage. But I guess he just bit Skyler because he is taller and easier to reach.

First Ever Vlog

2010-12-11T00:04:00.001-07:00

First Vlog ever...not really liking it so far. I look like a beaver.
And I am tired...I wanna tell you that I am usually funnier than this...but I am probably not.

Anyway, here you go.